The Pick-Up Diary

A lot of guys who want to get better with women ask themselves where to start.

First of all, you don’t need to read all the books from all the well-known pickup artist like Mystery, Style aso. Actually, it can be even counterproductive as after reading one you get so exited that you want even more information and want to read all the sutff avaible – forgetting that reading alone won’t change your situation. You need pratice – in field.

Here is what you can do today:

go to a place where you can find a lot of people (a mall, a store, a train station aso.) and simply say “Hi!” (with a friendly smile) to every woman who passes you by. That’s it!

Don’t think about what might happen or how silly it sounds. Just do it! It will help reducing your fear of appoach tremendesly.

Ever wondered why women are attracted to ‘jerks‘ who treat them like shit?

And why nice guys don’t have the same success? After all nice guys do things like:

– turning up to a first coffee date with flowers & chocolates
– trying to be ‘friends’ with a girl they like, hoping that it can turn into something else when she sees how nice they are
– answer her calls at 3am to hear her crying about how her jerk boyfriend has cheated on her only to find out she’s back with him the next week

Here’s the reason why women don’t like such behaviour:

By constantly supplicating and acceding to everything she asks of you, you become dull, uninteresting & not a challenge. People want and need boundaries, and as such will test them; women will push you until they find yours so they know where they stand and what kind of guy you are.

If you allow her to break a boundary you consider important, for example she is mad at you for no reason and won’t give you an explanation, she will lose respect for you as she knows she can do what she wants and you will put up with it. She is also more likely to repeat this behavior as you have set the precedent that this behavior is acceptable.

Women love confidence and dominance which nice guys NEVER exude – they are too scared of doing something she won’t like and it will result in them losing the girl.

So how do you become this confident guy?

The answer has to do with having abundance. Abundance means to have options – options in your dating life. If you have options in your dating life, your attitude will shift from being needy and clingy to that one girl, to being a lot more chilled and relaxed, should you ‘lose’ her or if she bails on a date etc. This means you have to go out more. If you’re reading more than you’re going out, you won’t be meeting different women.

If you want to find out more on how to be a nice guy who has game and get girls, check out this brand-new interview series with the Love Systems instructors 5.0 and Sheriff.

P.S. The first 10 minutes are FREE!

Most men believe all it takes is money or good looks to attract women. You see it all the times in Hollywood movies where the rich guy is walking into restaurants with a gorgeous woman besides him. Other times when you’re walking down the street you see a male model walking with a stunner. All these images reinforce the belief that you need money or good looks to get women.

There is a little bit of truth in there. Having wealth will make it easier for you to attract women and so does good looks. But having those traits alone is by far not enough. These will get your foot in the door, but you will still need to display your attractive personality and have good conversational skills. No woman wants to be with a quiet millionaire or male model who can’t have conversations with her or who can’t turn her on. Luckily for you, even if you are not good looking or wealthy, you can still date these types of women if you know the right things to do.

There are certain traits women want in a guy. Knowing these traits will equal the playing for average men like you and me.

For example, there are some attraction switches. These are traits that every woman finds attractive in men. If you can display these traits (or turn on those “switches”) any woman will get attracted to you. Wealth is one of attraction switches and so is health (which is “mother” of good looks) but there are six more (you will be surprised what some of the other ones are).

You are fortunate that you are a guy, because the way attraction works for women is different than for men (as further explained in the book). Guys assume women think just like them so they assume the way attraction works is also the same. This can’t be further from the truth. For men is mostly defined by a woman’s looks. We want young, slim, and healthy looking women. Women view attraction very differently. Looks still matter, but what matter more is the social status of the man.

Here is an insight to female psychology: women want to be desired by powerful men. That is the biggest turn on for women. Now that does not mean that power equals wealth. She will get attracted to you if she perceives you as more powerful than she is. By having surmounts of wealth is just one way to do that. Another way to display that is by being more mature & experienced than her (why do you think most women date guys older than them) or you have a higher position within society than her (e.g. you are a lawyer versus she is a hair dresser).

Everyone has attractive personality traits, but you have to know how to precisely convey those to women. Bragging is a big turn off for women. Even if you have millions of dollars you still cannot get the girl if you brag about it. So what if you aren’t a millionaire? You can still get the girls knowing what the attraction switches are. Why do you think women fall head over heels over BROKE musicians?

P.S. This “Mind Hack” Makes Hot Girls Want You

Improving your dating life can be tough, especially when women reject you on the approach. It’s part of the game. If you are getting striked out after the approach you might be doing something wrong that turns women off. It can be a lot of different things and you might be even unaware of the mistakes you are making. Here are 5 things to watch for that turn women off (and you want to avoid).

1. Pickup Lines

Let’s get one thing clear before you even approach: pickup lines do not work. Whenever you approach a woman with a (cheesy) pickup line, she will shoot you down. By using a pickup line, what you are actually saying to her is that you are someone who doesn’t have any social intuition and you are someone who does not date women like her. Communicating those things automatically raises a red flag in her mind that you are not suitable for her to date you.

It’s even better to just say “Hi I’m Ben. What’s your name?” and go from there. Avoid pickup lines.

On the other hand, there are good conversation starters (or “openers” as some people call them). The goal of a conversation starter is to start a conversation; nothing more, nothing less. Once you have initiated the conversation, you need to engage her into an interesting conversation to build attraction and go from there.

2. Awkwardness

This one is easy: awkwardness. Women avoid awkwardness like men avoid grenades in their vicinity. It’s that bad. Common things that cause awkwardness include: long pauses in conversation and acting goofy in public with her. Awkwardness is one of the kryptonites of attraction. Awkwardness will kill any attraction she might feel for you so avoid it at all costs.

3. Boring

Women love interesting men and excitement. Being boring is on the opposite side of that spectrum and no woman wants to be around a boring guy. The task is simple; avoid being boring. If you can do that, you are already way ahead of most guys.

One common mistake is asking multiple questions in a row. Do not ask multiple questions in a row. That’s a job interview. Keep the conversation “light.” Do not discuss the existence of god or which political affiliation you’re part of. In simple terms: less logic, more emotions. Try to tease her like you would to your little sister or niece, tell some jokes, and share stories.

4. Neediness

Neediness is solely doing something for someone else to get affection or love in return. Being needy shows you have no options when it comes to women. It is conveyed mostly through your actions, but also through your words. Examples of being needy:

-calling or texting multiple times a day

-you are too available

-you try to please her all the time (at your own expense)

Here’s a key insight to female psychology: women like men who are desired by other women. It’s like a shortcut for them to filter out men. If other women like him, there must be something good about him she is not aware of. Showing neediness is the exactly the opposite and will kill any attraction (another one of those kryptonites).

5. Bragging

Bragging about yourself is like screaming “look how insecure I am and I’m trying to impress you.” A rich man doesn’t talk about how rich he is and Hugh Hefner does not talk about many blonds he has slept with. Subtlety is the key to showing off the cool things about you. The more subtle you are about the attractive things of you, the better it comes across to women. They are very good at filling in the blanks and recognizing subtle elements in your stories, outfits, and possessions.

For example, instead of saying “A couple weeks ago I had a girl, who is really beautiful and a model, come over and have diner with me. She made the best pasta ever and it was delicious” you want to be more subtle. A simpler and more subtle version is, “A friend of mine came over to cook for pasta for me and it was the best pasta I have ever had.” The latter is very subtle and conveying that you have other women in your life. Do guys generally come over and cook? No, women do. Women will understand that a woman was there for you to cook. The context is unknown, but she can fill in the blanks that is was possibly a date or maybe even your ex-girlfriend. Who knows, but you conveyed the same info in a shorter and more subtle way.

Avoid all those turn offs and your dating life will be changed up-side down. Sometimes dating does not have to be that difficult when you know what to do AND what not to do. In the book Magic Bullets you will find more details what turns women off, but more importantly what turns them on. Click here to find out more about it.

Attractive women on a daily basis have dozens of men come up to them and validate their beauty with compliments and sometimes gifts. It gets so that women find this boring or

even annoying.

Some women even develop tactics that help them weed through this multitude of boring nice guys just attracted to them for their looks. I mean I can’t blame them because I could

see how all those AFCs would get super boring.

The women get tough and test guys with attitude. In a manner of speaking this is the female way of Disqualifying and Qualifying men. They play the GAME too.

Disqualifying a woman allows you to show her that you aren’t like all the other guys who are just attracted to her for her looks. It lets her work for your attraction. It sets you up as a

PUA to allow her to display something more about herself for you to be attracted to other than her looks.

So now that you understand the concept let’s look at some methods to DQ:

1. Ignoring the target and spending more time speaking to her friends is a good way to start.

2. Disagreeing with a woman’s opinion on an item to show her you won’t cave your ideals to hers just because she’s attractive.

3. Teasing a woman with a playful joke like saying “You don’t get out much do you?” Remember always smile when you tease. Sometimes these types of DQs are called “pebbles.”

4. Letting a woman know that their is something about her that prohibits you from dating her. Such as “You’re a Scorpio? I never date Scorpios…dram, drama, drama.” Remember to

smile.

5. Or simply implying that you are spoken for: “My girlfriend would like your dress.”

When you use a DQ be sure to not wait for your target to react. It’s important that she perceives it as something you just casually say and didn’t over-think or plan out.

If the DQ is more of a tease that could come off as an insult you should always smile. Smiling allows the target to know that you are not fully serious. You’re just flirting…that’s what the smile says.

The 10 Best Disqualifiers (DQs):

1. “You should go back to your friends. I think the kids at the nerd table really miss you.”

2. “I bet you were the type of kid that always got spaghetti sauce all over your face.”

3. “Note to self: Do not date this girl.” (pretend to take a note on your hand)

4. “I bet there are tons of guys waiting to meet you on the Internet.”

5. “I don’t let women like you into my house without a background check first.”

6. “You are so bad at being pretty.”

7. “Check this girl out. She’s amazing, and so bright and funny. Would you believe she’s never had a date?”

8. “Yeah, you’re like the coolest girl I’ve met in this location in the last 2 minutes.”

9. “You are such a dork, it’s really adorable.”

10. “You’re such a nice girl. I really shouldn’t even be talking to you.”

In order to make a woman feel attracted to you, you have to flip some switches – sooner or later. Here are the main ones:

1. You must show her that you’re safe. Trust is an important issue for most women. This must be demonstrated. So switch #1: SAFETY and TRUST.

2. You must show her that you have either job, security, motivation, or ambition. In other
words, you must have a life and goals. So switch #2 is demonstrating to her that you have STABILITY and AMBITION. You don’t have to be successful, you just have to show the potential to be successful.

3. You must show her that you’re different than the other guys, that you are not generic or boring, that she can learn something from you or grow with you, that you have a sense of adventure or creativity or spirituality. So switch #3 is showing her that you have something to offer, even if you don’t give it to her in the moment. This is where DHVs (demonstrations of higher value) are useful.

4. You must be the prize of the room. She wants a guy others will envy her for, that she can brag about to her friends.This is where social proof comes in, where story-telling comes in. It’s also where alpha qualities come in, and not supplicating. So switch #4 is demonstrating all of the many qualities of: CONFIDENCE, LEADERSHIP, AUTHORITY, and POPULARITY.

5. It’s a big world and we all feel alone in it, so if you can demonstrate that you UNDERSTAND her and where she comes from, she will feel chemistry. This can largely be done through demonstrating either cultural, mental, emotional, world view, humor, or life/background commonalities. The more obscure and rare a trait that you connect
on, the more chemistry you create. So Switch #5 is demonstrating COMMONALITIES in order to trigger CHEMISTRY.

6. You need an aura of depth and mystery. You must maybe show a vulnerable or wounded side of yourself, you must not give away everything for free, you must be a puzzle she wants to figure out and maybe even have a wound she can heal. Switch #6 then is hooking her with your DEPTH and MYSTERY.

7. You must show her that you are NOT horny, but sexual. This is where social proof comes in too, also demonstrating an understanding of her world (liking her for who SHE is). So switch #7 is demonstrating your own LACK OF DESPERATION while showing her that you recognize something SPECIAL in her that attracts you to her. This is where QUALIFYING is useful, in other words demonstrating that you like her for who she is.

What is opening?

Essentially, it’s the first 3-90 seconds of an interaction with a woman, whereby you begin a conversation. With opening, there is good news and bad news. The bad news is that opening can be very scary. Men are biologically predisposed to be incredibly nervous when starting a conversation with a woman that we don’t know. There are good evolutionary-biological reasons for this (in prehistoric times, approaching an unknown woman without permission or an introduction could lead to violent retaliation from her extended family), but that’s probably not a lot of comfort. So, that nervous feeling you get and the little voices that pop into your head looking for excuses NOT to talk to that beautiful woman are NORMAL. You need to learn to suppress them, but they are normal, and everyone – even pickup gurus like Mystery and Style – have them.

Some more bad news. We not only need to open, suppressing our built-in emotions, but we need to open well. Opening poorly can doom the rest of your interaction with a woman, and any other women who see it, making everything else you do a waste of time.

What’s the good news? With practice, it’s fairly easy. Most experienced guys don’t even need to think about opening anymore.

The following tips will help get you started:

1. Have a canned opener ready – This is NOT a night at the improv. Going “situational” (e.g., “it sure is crowded here” or “that’s a nice purse”) will rarely work. Think about it. If a 22 year old woman has been going out 1 night per week since she was 18, and got approached 5 times in a night (and these numbers are major underestimations) she has been approached 1,000 times before you came along. Most of those 1,000 guys have tried something boring and situational. Use a canned opener – something that has been repeatedly tested with women and is proven to work. If you don’t have even one opener, I’d suggest Magic Bullets or the Love Systems Routines Manual. If you don’t have these invaluable texts, do yourself a favor and spend the money to get them and have your openers ready before you even go to the club, coffee shop, lounge, etc.

2. 3-2-1-GO! – When you see a girl you like: GO! Open her group immediately. Failure to do this will “stale you out.” Women like confidence. They don’t like to be stalked. They like spontaneity. Wandering around circling her, looking at her, trying to figure out what to do next will turn her off and creep her out. Get into the habit of seeing a group of people, and GOING IN. You’ve already got your opener ready, right?

3. Approach at an angle – Do not walk straight up to the group. Approach at an angle, tilt your head over your shoulders, and say your piece. Done correctly (and you almost need to see it to do it properly), you raise your value significantly by demonstrating that you do not need their attention or approval.

4. Smile on the approach – Don’t grin like a moron through the entire interaction, but smile as you walk to the set, and in the first few seconds of the opener. Smile with your eyes, not just your mouth. It may sound silly, but smiles can (and should) be practiced in front of a mirror.

5. Be loud enough – Everyone in the group should hear your opener. Your opener should be loud enough that it cuts across whatever conversations they are already having. Don’t shout, but make it socially awkward for them not to pay attention to your opener. Practice opening – loudly – from your chest, not your throat. If you put your hand on your chest, you should be able to talk in two ways: one in which you can feel the vibrations on your hand, and one where you can’t. Train yourself to speak in the way where you can feel the vibrations.

6. Don’t lean in – This is connected to being loud enough. You should project your voice enough that they can hear you from a normal standing position (or leaning slightly back).

7. Engage the group – Do NOT go into a group and talk to the woman you want to meet (the target). Engage the whole group. Pay LESS attention to the woman you are interested in.

8. Playfully tease the target – Teasing is a major tool for triggering attraction. The hotter the girl, the quicker you have to tease. It demonstrates higher social value, and women are attracted to men that they perceive as having higher social status than they perceive themselves to have. I’ve seen some of our instructors open with teasing, and many will begin teasing the target within the first 10 seconds of their openers.

Another crucial element of opening is ending it. The opener should be something short, to grab the group’s attention, and be emotionally neutral. As soon as you spot an opportunity, you should transition into get the girl attracted.

All these tips and techniques are covered in depth in Magic Bullets, which is considered the bible of seduction. Much more is covered in the book like how to attract women and how to figure out when the best time is to kiss a girl.

We can verbally tell someone that we are attracted to the other person, but a majority of the time it is being told through our body language. That is also the most reliable way of telling if a woman is attracted to you. Words can be deceived, but the body never lies (that’s why we have lie detector tests).

Not every girl will exhibit the same body language signs to show that she is attracted to you, but here are 3 body language signs to look out for. If you see her doing any of these, you can tell that she is attracted to you.

1. Hair touching
This is a classic. It has evolutionary merits, but all you need to know is that if she is playing with her hair while you’re talking to her, she is attracted to you.

2. Interlocking Fingers
Whenever you hold a woman’s hand, is she interlacing her fingers with yours or not? Or if you give her a high five and you hold your hand up, does she interlace her fingers with yours? These are simple physical tests you can do to test if she is attracted to you. If she interlocks her fingers with yours, she is definitely attracted.

3. Licking Her Lips
How do you know when a woman is ready to be kissed? Pay close attention to a her lips. Women will lick their lips, apply lipstick, or slightly pout their lips when they are ready to be kissed. These are subconscious invitations for you to make a move!

Reading body language the right way is really important when it comes to attracting women. Read them wrong and she will reject you. Read them correctly and your dating life will be turned upside down.

What is subtext?

For acting, subtext is the underlying meaning behind spoken words as interpreted by an actor. What does that mean? Basically you’re adding additional meaning to your spoken words by the way you say them. Let’s say you have the following (cheesy) script for a scene to act in:

John and Mary are alone in the bedroom. Mary is upset and John is comforting her.

“John: Mary, everything is going to be ok, I just want you to know that I love you.”

Now you’re  going to play John in this scene there is a lot of information you’re going to need in order to apply the proper subtext to your dialogue. Things like:

What is the relationship between John and Mary?
If they are siblings then the line would be spoken much differently than if they were lovers.

– What happened just before?
– What if this scene took place right after they had sex?
– How would you reflect that in the above line of dialogue?

This is all information that can be implied with the proper subtext.

So, what does this have to do with game? Everything!

Because – and you probably have heard this a lot – it doesn’t matter WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it. Women are MASTERS at subtext, they know that there is loads of information hidden in the way something is said. That’s why women can get so bitchy over seemingly trivial things that guys say; they know what were thinking!

So how do you use subtext effectively? Let’s have an example:

Let’s say you’re in a venue gaming and you see a great set. Now in any given set at the venue, realistically, the subtext of the dialogue you exchange with them is going to be “I’m trying to win you over and make you like me.” A lot of guys subconsciously use this subtext when they open and are often blown out. Why? Because the women read into your subtext and knew exactly what you were doing, this is why you will hear “Is that a line?” often, even if she hadn’t heard it before.

A better way to approach is to use the subtext of your opener. This is how most successful PUAs operate. For instance, Cajun’s opener involves him asking girls if he looks like a drug dealer, so the subtext is simply that it’s bothering his that he look like a drug dealer and he needs their opinion. When he says the opener he puts himself in the mind frame that it JUST happened to him so that his subtext is believable.

Cajun holds the view that the best way to approach is to look at the venue as a stage and look at each set as a scene you can enter into. Instead of using the above mind frames when opening try to use the subtext of a completely made up scenario that makes you exude attractiveness. Enter into the set under the subtext of “I just slept with all of these girls” and I will communicate that to them by the way I speak, not by the words I’m saying. All of your dialogue will remain the same as it normally was.

So what happens? They catch on very quickly and you will create attraction almost instantaneously. Women LOVE guys that they can’t quite figure out, so if you go in acting like you just slept with them then you are basically a social enigma, which is like crack to them.

And this is why you can talk to them about robots for 3 mins and then all of a sudden make out! Subtext is the reason. You don’t always have to use the subtext of “I just slept with these girls”. You can use whatever you want, but this one works very well.

Subtext is one of those things that’s pretty hard to grasp through reading. That’s why Cajun and other Love Systems instructors created the DVD set “Beyond Words” so you can visually see it. In the DVD you can see Cajun teach in more depth other non-verbal techniques to attract women using your body language.

P.S. If you have any doubts about Cajun, check out Cajun picking up some hot girls. It’s a classic by now.

The guys from Love Systems finally did it: The Body Language and Physical Escalation DVD is finished. Here is an interview with Cajun, a great PUA and one of the guys behind the DVD:

What is the Beyond Words DVD Home Study Course about?

Cajun: A lot of guys ask me on the forums and in emails how they can improve their body language so they can better approach and attract women. It’s hard to show it to them because it is something you have to see. A lot of body language is very subtle and that is hard to convey in text. You can read about body language in books but it’s not the same as when you can visually see it.

A couple months ago I flew to London to work with Vercetti, who is a trained Shakespearean actor and fellow Love Systems coach, to make this DVD home study course. We wanted to share our newest and proven methods to attract women using non-verbal communication.

Instead of writing a book, we decided to make a DVD because you can visually learn how to improve your body language. With help of Mr M, Keychain and 5.0 we also made an extra segment on physical escalation. Again, touching and physical escalation (“kino”) can be better taught by using a visual medium.

Why is body language so important?

Cajun: A lot of guys think what you say is the most important thing when it comes to attracting women. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It doesn’t matter what you say, it is how you say it. With the “how” I mean your tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and what we call “subcommunications” and “subtext”.

In the DVD set we cover all these aspects and explain in depth why your non-verbal communication is much more important than your verbal. Scientific studies have shown that most communication between people is non-verbal. In this clip I tell why non-verbal communication is important (a sneak preview of the DVD).

Can you give one tip that someone can use right now to improve their body language?

Cajun: The simplest thing you can do today is to work on your posture. In the DVD we cover the Alexander technique on how that can improve your posture dramatically. Trained actors use this all the time.

Girls will reject you before you even approach if you have bad posture, because it subcommunicates a lot of bad things about you. This goes especially for guys who have sit behind a computer a lot.

A simple exercise you can do is to do row exercises at the gym and squats. Also, whenever you sit behind your desk, be conscious of your posture. Don’t slouch, sit tall and keep your back erect. If you buy a swiss ball and use that as your chair behind your desk, you will be forced to sit up straight and it will fix your posture that way too.

Anything else you want to share?

Cajun: I’m really excited about the Beyond Words DVD set. Finally I’ve been able to reveal all my body language and subtext secrets that I normally only teach on my workshops and 1on1 sessions. This DVD is one of a kind and you can finally learn how to properly physically escalate (“kino”) and how to use your body language so it becomes easier to meet and attract women.

For more information on Cajun and his Beyond Words DVD Home Study Course, click here.

Don’t forget to check out the other preview clips:

Vercetti on First Impressions
Vercetti on Beer Shield
5.0 on Breaking Contact