The Pick-Up Diary

What is opening?

Essentially, it’s the first 3-90 seconds of an interaction with a woman, whereby you begin a conversation. With opening, there is good news and bad news. The bad news is that opening can be very scary. Men are biologically predisposed to be incredibly nervous when starting a conversation with a woman that we don’t know. There are good evolutionary-biological reasons for this (in prehistoric times, approaching an unknown woman without permission or an introduction could lead to violent retaliation from her extended family), but that’s probably not a lot of comfort. So, that nervous feeling you get and the little voices that pop into your head looking for excuses NOT to talk to that beautiful woman are NORMAL. You need to learn to suppress them, but they are normal, and everyone – even pickup gurus like Mystery and Style – have them.

Some more bad news. We not only need to open, suppressing our built-in emotions, but we need to open well. Opening poorly can doom the rest of your interaction with a woman, and any other women who see it, making everything else you do a waste of time.

What’s the good news? With practice, it’s fairly easy. Most experienced guys don’t even need to think about opening anymore.

The following tips will help get you started:

1. Have a canned opener ready – This is NOT a night at the improv. Going “situational” (e.g., “it sure is crowded here” or “that’s a nice purse”) will rarely work. Think about it. If a 22 year old woman has been going out 1 night per week since she was 18, and got approached 5 times in a night (and these numbers are major underestimations) she has been approached 1,000 times before you came along. Most of those 1,000 guys have tried something boring and situational. Use a canned opener – something that has been repeatedly tested with women and is proven to work. If you don’t have even one opener, I’d suggest Magic Bullets or the Love Systems Routines Manual. If you don’t have these invaluable texts, do yourself a favor and spend the money to get them and have your openers ready before you even go to the club, coffee shop, lounge, etc.

2. 3-2-1-GO! – When you see a girl you like: GO! Open her group immediately. Failure to do this will “stale you out.” Women like confidence. They don’t like to be stalked. They like spontaneity. Wandering around circling her, looking at her, trying to figure out what to do next will turn her off and creep her out. Get into the habit of seeing a group of people, and GOING IN. You’ve already got your opener ready, right?

3. Approach at an angle – Do not walk straight up to the group. Approach at an angle, tilt your head over your shoulders, and say your piece. Done correctly (and you almost need to see it to do it properly), you raise your value significantly by demonstrating that you do not need their attention or approval.

4. Smile on the approach – Don’t grin like a moron through the entire interaction, but smile as you walk to the set, and in the first few seconds of the opener. Smile with your eyes, not just your mouth. It may sound silly, but smiles can (and should) be practiced in front of a mirror.

5. Be loud enough – Everyone in the group should hear your opener. Your opener should be loud enough that it cuts across whatever conversations they are already having. Don’t shout, but make it socially awkward for them not to pay attention to your opener. Practice opening – loudly – from your chest, not your throat. If you put your hand on your chest, you should be able to talk in two ways: one in which you can feel the vibrations on your hand, and one where you can’t. Train yourself to speak in the way where you can feel the vibrations.

6. Don’t lean in – This is connected to being loud enough. You should project your voice enough that they can hear you from a normal standing position (or leaning slightly back).

7. Engage the group – Do NOT go into a group and talk to the woman you want to meet (the target). Engage the whole group. Pay LESS attention to the woman you are interested in.

8. Playfully tease the target – Teasing is a major tool for triggering attraction. The hotter the girl, the quicker you have to tease. It demonstrates higher social value, and women are attracted to men that they perceive as having higher social status than they perceive themselves to have. I’ve seen some of our instructors open with teasing, and many will begin teasing the target within the first 10 seconds of their openers.

Another crucial element of opening is ending it. The opener should be something short, to grab the group’s attention, and be emotionally neutral. As soon as you spot an opportunity, you should transition into get the girl attracted.

All these tips and techniques are covered in depth in Magic Bullets, which is considered the bible of seduction. Much more is covered in the book like how to attract women and how to figure out when the best time is to kiss a girl.

What is subtext?

For acting, subtext is the underlying meaning behind spoken words as interpreted by an actor. What does that mean? Basically you’re adding additional meaning to your spoken words by the way you say them. Let’s say you have the following (cheesy) script for a scene to act in:

John and Mary are alone in the bedroom. Mary is upset and John is comforting her.

“John: Mary, everything is going to be ok, I just want you to know that I love you.”

Now you’re  going to play John in this scene there is a lot of information you’re going to need in order to apply the proper subtext to your dialogue. Things like:

What is the relationship between John and Mary?
If they are siblings then the line would be spoken much differently than if they were lovers.

– What happened just before?
– What if this scene took place right after they had sex?
– How would you reflect that in the above line of dialogue?

This is all information that can be implied with the proper subtext.

So, what does this have to do with game? Everything!

Because – and you probably have heard this a lot – it doesn’t matter WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it. Women are MASTERS at subtext, they know that there is loads of information hidden in the way something is said. That’s why women can get so bitchy over seemingly trivial things that guys say; they know what were thinking!

So how do you use subtext effectively? Let’s have an example:

Let’s say you’re in a venue gaming and you see a great set. Now in any given set at the venue, realistically, the subtext of the dialogue you exchange with them is going to be “I’m trying to win you over and make you like me.” A lot of guys subconsciously use this subtext when they open and are often blown out. Why? Because the women read into your subtext and knew exactly what you were doing, this is why you will hear “Is that a line?” often, even if she hadn’t heard it before.

A better way to approach is to use the subtext of your opener. This is how most successful PUAs operate. For instance, Cajun’s opener involves him asking girls if he looks like a drug dealer, so the subtext is simply that it’s bothering his that he look like a drug dealer and he needs their opinion. When he says the opener he puts himself in the mind frame that it JUST happened to him so that his subtext is believable.

Cajun holds the view that the best way to approach is to look at the venue as a stage and look at each set as a scene you can enter into. Instead of using the above mind frames when opening try to use the subtext of a completely made up scenario that makes you exude attractiveness. Enter into the set under the subtext of “I just slept with all of these girls” and I will communicate that to them by the way I speak, not by the words I’m saying. All of your dialogue will remain the same as it normally was.

So what happens? They catch on very quickly and you will create attraction almost instantaneously. Women LOVE guys that they can’t quite figure out, so if you go in acting like you just slept with them then you are basically a social enigma, which is like crack to them.

And this is why you can talk to them about robots for 3 mins and then all of a sudden make out! Subtext is the reason. You don’t always have to use the subtext of “I just slept with these girls”. You can use whatever you want, but this one works very well.

Subtext is one of those things that’s pretty hard to grasp through reading. That’s why Cajun and other Love Systems instructors created the DVD set “Beyond Words” so you can visually see it. In the DVD you can see Cajun teach in more depth other non-verbal techniques to attract women using your body language.

P.S. If you have any doubts about Cajun, check out Cajun picking up some hot girls. It’s a classic by now.

The guys from Love Systems finally did it: The Body Language and Physical Escalation DVD is finished. Here is an interview with Cajun, a great PUA and one of the guys behind the DVD:

What is the Beyond Words DVD Home Study Course about?

Cajun: A lot of guys ask me on the forums and in emails how they can improve their body language so they can better approach and attract women. It’s hard to show it to them because it is something you have to see. A lot of body language is very subtle and that is hard to convey in text. You can read about body language in books but it’s not the same as when you can visually see it.

A couple months ago I flew to London to work with Vercetti, who is a trained Shakespearean actor and fellow Love Systems coach, to make this DVD home study course. We wanted to share our newest and proven methods to attract women using non-verbal communication.

Instead of writing a book, we decided to make a DVD because you can visually learn how to improve your body language. With help of Mr M, Keychain and 5.0 we also made an extra segment on physical escalation. Again, touching and physical escalation (“kino”) can be better taught by using a visual medium.

Why is body language so important?

Cajun: A lot of guys think what you say is the most important thing when it comes to attracting women. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It doesn’t matter what you say, it is how you say it. With the “how” I mean your tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and what we call “subcommunications” and “subtext”.

In the DVD set we cover all these aspects and explain in depth why your non-verbal communication is much more important than your verbal. Scientific studies have shown that most communication between people is non-verbal. In this clip I tell why non-verbal communication is important (a sneak preview of the DVD).

Can you give one tip that someone can use right now to improve their body language?

Cajun: The simplest thing you can do today is to work on your posture. In the DVD we cover the Alexander technique on how that can improve your posture dramatically. Trained actors use this all the time.

Girls will reject you before you even approach if you have bad posture, because it subcommunicates a lot of bad things about you. This goes especially for guys who have sit behind a computer a lot.

A simple exercise you can do is to do row exercises at the gym and squats. Also, whenever you sit behind your desk, be conscious of your posture. Don’t slouch, sit tall and keep your back erect. If you buy a swiss ball and use that as your chair behind your desk, you will be forced to sit up straight and it will fix your posture that way too.

Anything else you want to share?

Cajun: I’m really excited about the Beyond Words DVD set. Finally I’ve been able to reveal all my body language and subtext secrets that I normally only teach on my workshops and 1on1 sessions. This DVD is one of a kind and you can finally learn how to properly physically escalate (“kino”) and how to use your body language so it becomes easier to meet and attract women.

For more information on Cajun and his Beyond Words DVD Home Study Course, click here.

Don’t forget to check out the other preview clips:

Vercetti on First Impressions
Vercetti on Beer Shield
5.0 on Breaking Contact

The best thing you can do, is read/listen to/watch something, but for the time you spend learning it, spend 3 times that going out and practicing it in field. So if you spend an hour reading something, spend 3 hours going out and practicing it.

At some point you realise that 75% (if not more) is not what you say, but what’s going on elsewhere: Your sub-communications such as your voice tonality, posture, body language, eye contact, how you carry yourself etc. and the mindset you’re going out with. Of course you can’t be spitting boring ass shit at the girl, but for example, a guy learning this stuff with 50 routines saved on his phone/written on a sheet in his back pocket and trying to remember them all with the mindset of ‘I hope I don’t fuck up’, or a guy that has two or three things he’s learnt that he’s gonna practice, and has the mindset of ‘I’m gonna go have fun with this’. Who’s gonna 1. Learn more from doing it a bit at a time, and 2. Have more fun doing it?

Don’t treat mastering this area of your life as work, treat it as a new game that you look forward to playing. Go out & have fun with it, and instead of trying to get good at opening, teasing, takeaways, disqualifying, transitioning, qualifying, escalating, closing, same night lays etc. all in one night, put the puzzle together one piece at a time. More importantly, don’t put so much emphasis on the result, work on the skillset, not the outcome.

For more info, check out the Love Systems audio download. The first 10 minutes are FREE!

We’ve all been there: You’re so into that one special girl. She begins to sense a sharp discord with her own feelings of inadequacy and innate discomfort: this guy likes me too much. This you how you lose her…

Pick-up gurus tell us over and over again how bad “oneitis” is. But when you’re in the middle of that emotional maelstrom, it’s hard to hear why it’s important to kill those feelings for that special, magical girl.

Why? Because she’s not special, and neither are you.

In fact, in the book Getting the Love You Want, Dr. Harville Hendrix distills the experience of love down to three core emotions:

1.) This person is highly unusual and specifically tailored to loving me.
2.) I’ll never feel like this again.
3.) This feeling should last forever.

Biochemically, you are designed to react to loving emotions exactly how you do. Your emotions are not special.  She has loved before. So have you. She will again. So will you.

No, she’s not different. Imagine the most heinous, depraved, “slutty” thing you’ve seen or conceived. Now, know this: you know someone who’s done something like that or worse. Such is the reality of modern reality. Suck it up and deal. After all, you’re probably a normal, decent person, and all that deviance and judgment you just threw out in our imaginary situation there is NOTHING compared to the festival of sin that is your daily, hourly sexual fantasy life. What separates your thoughts from your actions? Sadly, it’s probably an issue of will and game.

No one is actually that special. But everyone is that special. That one girl isn’t worth a damn because everyone has a nugget of gold lodged somewhere in their chest. Everyone has some hidden glory. Sometimes it’s hidden very deeply. But there truly are a vast number of interesting, beautiful women, despite their minority status. In that same regard, no single girl is all you’ve made her up to be. Not one.

Some of you are reading this and thinking about This One Girl You Know. Seriously, not even her. EVEN IF EVERYTHING YOU SAY ABOUT HER IS TRUE! THERE IS A GIRL WHO IS BETTER-LOOKING, SMARTER, FUNNIER, AND NICER. YOU JUST HAVEN’T MET HER YET. That glorious sun goddess is still just another glorious sun goddess. We live on a planet with 6,200,000,000 human beings. And women are in the majority. Seriously, she’s not that special.

And that’s why you have those feelings for THAT special girl. That muse is only holding you back because what she’s really doing, what she’s really, really accomplishing, is holding you back from being your true, glorious self. Find her seventy thousand superior counterparts. Then return.

With understanding.

Experience and willingness to learn breed perspective. When you don’t accrue a lot of experience with girls, it’s easy to get sidetracked by illusions, to forget how mortal these divine creatures are. Then, you can find a girl you want, a girl you like, a girl you can love. And you will not love her out of habit. You will not love her because she’s just the prettiest girl you’ve ever been with. You will love her because she’s the best girl to receive your love. And that statement means something because you have allowed other, female things to happen to you!

To find out more information on dealing with ”oneitis”, check out this audio download. The first 10 minutes are FREE.

One common weakness in a guy’s game is passing tests women give them. Those “tests” are questions that girls will throw at you to see if you walk the walk as well as talk the talk. The reason girls do this is because a lot of guys can be confident on the approach and play a good poker face the whole way through the interaction, but later down the line the cracks start to show and the confident guy she thought he was is actually not that guy at all.

So girls throw these tests at us to separate the men from the boys, and a lot of the time the girl doesn’t even know she’s doing it. In summary, a shit test is a way of the girl finding out whether we are the real deal or just another hopeful trying to get into her pants. In other words, it’s a way to select the right guy.

A lot of the time when a girl is throwing out these tests is because she’s had a lot of guys hit on her that day/night/week/month/year/lifetime and has had enough of wasting her time on giving 10 minutes to everyone of the 95% of guys who haven’t got a chance. Imagine you had 20 fat chicks a day coming up and hitting on you, you’ll be nice to the first 2 or 3, then you’d probably start asking abrupt questions to filter out the ones that are actually cool enough to talk to.

Some examples of tests a girl might throw at you are:

-Why are you talking to me?
-Are you gay?
-Buy me a drink
-Who are you, do I know you?
-Is that your best pick-up line?

The 95% of guys that she’s filtering out will respond with things like:

Her: Why are you talking to me?
Guy: Oh well uh, I just thought you were really hot so wanted to say hi but I can go if you want

or

Her: Are you gay?
Guy: No I’m not gay why do you think that?

or

Her: Buy me a drink
Guy: Ok what do you want?

You probably can see why girls want to filter these guys out.

How to Pass a Test:

The best way to pass a test is to playfully ‘Agree & Exaggerate’ with what she says. For example:

Her: Are you gay?
You: I’m not gay but my boyfriend is

or

Her: Are you gay?
You: Well I don’t make eye contact when I give head, and as long as you don’t make eye contact it doesn’t count

Her: Buy me a drink
You: I’ll buy you a thousand drinks but you buy me one first

Her: Why are you talking to me?
You: I forgot there was a no talking policy at this club (while at a bar or nightclub)

or

Her: Why are you talking to me?
You: I told mum I was going to (bar or club you’re at) tonight to hopefully get married

Her: Is that a pick-up line?
(If she does say that the question/thing you said is probably too ‘gamey’, make sure you don’t come across with that weird community guy vibe or you’ll get called out a lot)
You: Yeah, now your turn

or

Her: Is that a pick-up line?
You: No, (take some ice out of your drink, drop it on the floor and step on it) now that I’ve broken the ice what’s your name?…That’s a pick up line.

Make sure that you’re coming across playfully, so smile to make it clear you’re not being serious after. Otherwise saying ‘I’m not gay but my boyfriend is’ or ‘I told mum I was going to (bar or club you’re at) tonight to hopefully get married’ in a serious tone and not smiling, it could work, but if you don’t play it off right you will be put in the weird guy box.

The way agreeing and exaggerating works is it is basically being sarcastic, so you’re making her comment sound stupid and turn it back on her being the one saying the weird things. Then you just transition on to something new, so if it’s off the bat and she throws a test I’ll agree & exaggerate, then (as long as she responds well which she should do if you do it right) transition with ‘so what’s your name’ or ‘what’s the occasion’ for example. As long as you’re doing it right you’ll see the attraction shoot up after you put it back on her.

Remember – ‘Agree & Exaggerate’ and make sure you play it off right, then transition and tests will no longer be an issue!

To learn more on how to handle the different tests women give you (even when you’re in a relationship) check out the audio download on the Love Systems Website. You can listen to the first ten minutes for FREE!

Less than two weeks left until the Love Systems Super Conference in Las Vegas (Oct. 9-11, 2009), lets take a look at the Pickup Artist called “Keychain“, who will be speaking there. This guy is one of Love Systems’ rising stars. Based in the UK, he has traveled all over the world teaching Love Systems. He specializes in fast escalation (bathroom pulls and same night lays), day game and fashion.

Here is a new interview where he’s talking on his presentation at the Super Conference:

– What will you be talking about at the Love Systems Super Conference 2009?

I will be talking about Rapid Escalation, a specific strategy that guys can use to hone their escalation to maximum effectiveness. A lot of guys are unsure of how to read a woman, how quickly to take things forward, and when to make the move. I’ll be focusing on sharing extremely practical steps they can take to perfect this area, as well as demonstrating specific physical techniques that I use in-field on a regular basis. I’ll also be discussing how to achieve the crazy fast sexual encounters that we all read about in the lay-reports of the world’s top PUAs.

– How is sexual escalation for day game different from bar/club game?

There are differences between the two contexts, but there are far more similarities. A lot of people claim that escalation is ineffective in the daytime but my experience has proven otherwise. In truth, it depends on your personal goals. If you’re interested in having some crazy sexual adventures, I thoroughly recommend experimenting with physical escalation in the daytime. For example, my first daytime approach ended with a handjob in a photo booth. All it took was some basic verbal game, the desire to escalate and an ability to read the woman’s physical compliance.

– How can someone learn how to rapidly sexually escalate?

There are several key mindsets that I will discuss in Vegas. Essentially, I take a compliance-based approach to escalation where the speed and pace of your physical progression depends on the ability to read and influence a woman’s physical compliance. I’ll be sharing how to improve your sensitivity to a woman’s compliance so that, when she’s open to fast escalation, you know you can take things forward quickly.

I will also be sharing the specific physical techniques that I enjoy using, so that attendees will have real strategies that they can take away and use that night.

– Can you share a routine that you use for sexually escalating?

Rapid escalation is primarily a physical approach and, as such, is best demonstrated live. When I escalate, I am using the sorts of conversation techniques and verbal routines found in Magic Bullets and the Routines Manuals and taught at our bootcamps. That said, I do have specific verbal routines that set up extreme physical escalation – again these are best shown live or on video to really catch the movements.

A great technique is Dominance Spiking. Anyone who has been having sex with a woman and, in the throws of passion, has pinned her arms above her head for sexy effect will know that many women respond well to physical dominance. This principle can be used outside of the bedroom too. Examples of physical dominance include taking a woman by the hips and pulling her close, physically lifting her up, and spanking her. This act of physical dominance has a profound effect. It demonstrates an animal dominance that, used appropriately, can be very arousing.

If you want to find out more information on the Love Systems Super Conference, click here. It’s less than two weeks away. Seats are filling up fast so make sure you book your spot!

A lot of guys are able to start a conversation with a girl – even on the street – but then there is always an awkward moment when you want to ask for her number, but don’t have enough self-confidence to do it or to do it in a “relaxed” way. And she instantly feels it – and starts to feel queasy…

Asking for her number can be difficult – especially talking about a girl you’ve just met on the street! But actually, there is a way to stay connected without asking for her number. Let’s call it the Facebook Method:

1) Go to a girl and ask her opinion on something (for example say that you want to buy a friend a good perfume, but don’t know which one…(Remember: you have to smile when you approach!)

2) Show or tell her that you are impressed with her answer – without overdoing it. If she says “I don’t know” just ask what kind of perfume she uses.

3) Finally, say “thanks” and pretend to roll off…Turn your upper body, but

4) Then, simply turn back and say with a confident voice: “Hey! Are you on facebook? You seem to be an expert on fashion/… Maybe I will contact you for further advice.” Smile.

The reason why you are not asking for her number is that a girl is much more likely to give a guy she has just met her online contact info than her mobile number. There’s no real commitment for her in giving you her online contact information. It’s not such a big deal as giving her number to a stranger who probably only wants to get in her pants. Facebook is a social interaction platform and girls love to check out new guys online. And if she doesn’t like you, she still can ignore you.

This way you can ask a lot of girls and actually get in touch with them without displaying an obvious interest in them. If she says she’s not on facebook, keep cool and ask her about her email address. No matter what she says stay friendly and relaxed as if you’re doing this all the time. Keep in mind: girls often act bitchy to test your reaction (the so called “shit test”).

Keep in mind: Smile and try to talk with a friendly but confident voice. Practice in front of a mirror if you want. Actually, about 80 % of the communication is nonverbal. So, it’s more about how you approach (body language, voice, timing) than what you say.

Even better than a mirror is a video tape of you. Tape yourself on video to see how other people perceive you. It really gives you a reality check. Practice as long as you finally like “this” guy on the tape and your results with girls will skyrocket as you will become much more self-confident. And self-confidence is what girls are really looking for in a guy as it demonstrates a high status.

If you don’t know what to say – how to approach girls on the street – I can definitely recommend Paul Janka’s 6 CD Audio Program – it’s definitely worth it.

A lot of guys who struggle with girls are highly motivated to improve themselves. But in order to improve yourself, you need to know what to improve. And often people simply don’t know what they are doing wrong, they haven’t identified their “sticking point”:

Maybe you don’t know how to open, maybe you don’t know how to create attraction, maybe you always skip the comfort building-phase. Or maybe you can’t bring yourself to speak to strangers, have some nervous ticks speaking with women, play the funny guy to smooth over your insecurity or your mind goes blank facing a beautiful girl. Maybe you don’t care about grooming and looks. Maybe you endlessly search for the right moment to kiss the girl or don’t use touching (kino) at all and always end up in the friends zone – this list is endless.

So, first you have to identify your problem, your sticking point with women. Here is what you can do to find out where your problem with girls might be:

1) Think about the past situations with women and what went wrong. Try to see the whole situation from her perspective – would you like this guy and would you think this guy has got girls in his life? If the answer is “no” – why? Compare yourself with successful guys – what do they do and you don’t?

2) Ask your friends and try to get an honest answer on how they see you interacting with women. Let them speak, don’t interrupt and don’t search for any excuses. Accept what they say – in most cases they see the right picture and you are the one who doesn’t want to accept the reality. Most guys don’t get over this point because admitting a weakness normally lowers your self-esteem. And nobody likes that. Hence most of the guys never really get better with women. Be the difference: Accept that you have to change things and start working on it.

3) Tape yourself on video to see how other people perceive you. It really gives you a reality check. Practice as long as you finally like “this” guy on the tape and your results with girls will skyrocket as you will become much more self-confident. And self-confidence is what girls are really looking for in a guy as it demonstrates a high status.

4) Get more information on attraction and psychology (internet, book store). You have to be aware of the basic principles of human interaction. But don’t overdo it. You don’t need all the books, two or three are enough at the beginning. The information you get from them is only there to know why something works. But it’s absolutely worthless if YOU don’t use it in the real life. You only get better if you go out and approach girls. The lack of experience with girls is the number one reason why guys don’t get the right results with girls. Here’s how you get the most out of the information you receive: break it apart and try one thing after another. If you read something new, go out and try it (and only it) until you get the right results. It’s not that easy in praxis, but it’s the most effective way to get better – and this is your goal, isn’t it?