The Pick-Up Diary

Why do you have to be different to attract women?

Because it makes you interesting, it makes you stand out from the last 10 or even 100 guys the girl you’re talking to hooked up with. It’s a fact: Women like men with (concrete) goals as this demonstrates a strong, assertive character.

Being different also means that you can demonstrate value – for example by showing something not everyone can do. This doesn’t mean that you have to play a greasy song on the guitar (but do so if you can). For example you can ask her about the last time she laughed with all her heart (say a friend asked you this and you didn’t know what to answer first – but now you know). Ask her to tell you about the happiest moment of her life or a special moment in her childhood and then tell yours. Try to relate to her thoughts and feelings – but don’t overdo it.

Read up on palm reading, dream interpretation or psycho tests (it’s not that difficult to memorize this stuff as all those “tests” work with given patterns) and use it on your next date. Women love all kinds of tests.

Don’t forget: it’s not only about the content but your presentation as 90 % of the communication is non-verbal (60% is Body Language and 30% is the Tone).

Being different means being unaffected by her beauty and her “shit tests” (when she tries to figure out whether you’re a confident guy or a weak, average guy). Stop acting friendly just to please her – she will be bored as this is what every average guy does – be different.

That’s why “bad boys” are so successful – they demonstrate a strong character, act like they’ve got countless options and could leave the girl in a second. The menatl frame to use her is this: Behave like she’s not attractive at all.

If she’s very beautiful, never make compliments on her looks! She hears it all the time and to her you’re just the next guy who wants in her pants. Instead you can use a “neg” like “That’s a nice hair color! Is it real?” to show her that you’re not impressed by her looks and thus disqualify yourself as a suitor.

What women are attracted to is Status and Personality. Before you go with “Well, I don’t have a Ferrari so it’s hopeless for me” – here’s the important thing about status:

You don’t have to be rich to demonstrate a high status! And even if you are rich, you still need some other characteristics to get the girl – it’s not the money alone that gets you the girl. Here is what really counts:

Characteristics like dominance, decisiveness, leadership, confidence and intelligence. Being articulate is also a major point.

As we all know, the first impression has a lot to do with the way you dress. To quote Michael Jordan’s father, “If you dress like a bum, then they’re gonna treat you like a bum. If you dress like a hoodlum, they’re going to treat you like a hoodlum…” (Michael Jordan, Driven from Within).

You get the idea – if you’re dressed like a computer programmer, they… You know the rest. So what you need to do is to improve the way you dress.

Of course, looks are NOT the most important part of attracting girls, but they are important. The way your are dressed will have an effect on the way people assess you – even unconscious. People judge by the looks and you have only seconds to demonstrate that you are a man of style. Don’t mess it up with boring sweaters and dirty sneakers.

You don’t have to dress like a gigolo either. If you look like a software engineer, try to loosen your clothes a little bit – add some color to it. Get rid of plaid and Hawaiian shirts. Look for some interesting necklaces, rings or wristlets (but try to avoid knickknack).

Why? Because every woman wants to know what they stand for. Such accessories make your interesting – they even allow a woman to contact you. And women are very curious as for glitter.

Good shoes are important as women pay attention to what kind of shoes guys wear. Again, try to avoid sneakers – for example you can buy a pair of nice, black italian shoes. They are worth it.

You need a nice jacket, not a multi-color-baseball-jacket. It doesn’t have to be a leather jacket – although it will draw a much more attention. A simple, classy coat can make a hell of impression. It’s not about buying the most expensive stuff and looking or looking like a fashion junkie. It’s about adding class to the way you dress. Shops like Zara or even H&M will do it completely.

Tweet

Ok, by now you know that complimenting a girl on her looks is a major mistake – not only in online dating. So what are the other mistakes that you shouldn’t avoid chatting with girls on facebook, myspace aso.?

Another big mistake is writing too long messages and chatting too long in general.

The reason is that the girl doesn’t know you and isn’t sure, whether to spend her precious time on you. She obviously has to take some to read long messages, which are in most cases boring as most guys don’t know how to tell an interesting story that demonstrate higher value in a short way. This leads to negative feelings inside her, which means she won’t contact you again.

So, instead of writing long messages about you, where you live and what you do – and writing endlessly in general – keep it short and get to the point. Girls like guys who know what they want and value their own time. After about short 10 messages you can say something like this:

“I get pretty busy, so you won’t find me online often. Let’s continue this on the phone, here’s my number. Or, if you’re old-fashioned, just mail me yours.”

Here is what Neil Strauss has to say on online dating.

P.S. If you’re unsure, how to improve your profile to get girls contacting you – take a look at the brand-new (2008) 224-page e-book called “The Online Game“.

Online Dating is pretty popular these days. By now, everyone seems to be on facebook. It’s easy to meet new people on the net, but how about meeting them in real life?

Here’swhat normally happens: you “poke” a beautiful girl online, write her a message like “Hi! I like your…/ your so sweet” aso. and never get a response. And that’s what 95 % of the guys do – that’s what I thought.

To check my suspicion, I registered an personal with a picture of a hottie and added some rare personal details like “sex and the city” as the favourite serial aso. One weeks later my mailbox was full with 13 friend requests and 21 mails from guys letting “me” know how hot, nice, cute aso. “I”  was.

It was really mean to see what those hot girls have to read again and again – it’s the same, stupid, uninspired stuff. The women are’nt answering this stuff…And guess what – you wouldn’t either!

So, giving compliments is one of the biggest mistakes you can make in online dating. If the girl is beautiful, never make compliments on her looks. She hears (and reads) it all the time and to her you’re just the next guy who wants in her pants.

Instead you can use a “NEG” like “Hey, I like you hair color. Is it real?” You’re right, there’s a compliment inside, but at the same time she realizes you have doubts about her looks. You can still make a small compliment later in the conversation, but try to find something other than “You have beautiful eyes!”

More on the mistakes you shouldn’t make in online dating the next days.

P.S. There is a brand-new (2008) 224-page e-book called “The Online Game” out now. If you thought, you already knew all about online dating, GET READY!

Tweet

My Name is Steve Wells and this is my first post in this brand-new blog. As a freelance journalist I have written more than 30 articles dealing with the problem how to get better with women (which are free and can be found on ezinearticles.com). The idea behind this blog is to share my thoughts on this subject on a regular, daily basis.

By now, nearly everyone seems to know the book called “The Game” by Neil Strauss. If you’re not everyone, here’s a summary what this book is about. Since this book is what got me into the pickup community, I would like to start this blog with an excerpt from “The Game”:

“The moment I started reading, my life changed. More than any other book or document—be it the Bible, Crime and Punishment, or The Joy of Cooking—the layguide opened my eyes. And not necessarily because of the information in it, but because of the path it sent me hurtling down. When I look back on my teenage years, I have one major regret, and it has nothing to do with not studying hard enough, not being nice to my mother, or crashing my father’s car into a public bus. It is simply that I didn’t fool around with enough girls. I am a deep man—I reread James Joyce’s Ulysses every three years for fun. I consider myself reasonably intuitive. I am at the core a good person, and I try to avoid hurting others. But I can’t seem to evolve to the next state of being because I spend far too much time thinking about women…”

– Neil Strauss, The Game, 2005, p. 9

In my opinion, the last sentence is crucial. A lot of guys that find themselves in the pickup community are pretty smart guys – guys that think a lot. Probably you are one of them. But as we all know thinking is only one side of the coin. The other one? Taking action! And this is where most of the guys fail. Or, actually, they don’t. Because they don’t even try! The reason for this is quite obvious: It’s much easier to read all the stuff, watch all the DVDs that make you feel great and lull you – instead of going out and learning in real life. You don’t have to deal with rejection, with “shit tests”, with competitors – you don’t have to deal with life! Because that’s what life is about. Those are problems that you have to be able to solve if you want to make it in life. And let’s be real – it’s not nuclear science – you can solve these problems. And even have fun doing so. So, instead of reading all the pickup material you can get, I – as many before – recommend to go out and practice. Because it’s the most effective way to solve the problem called “I’m simply not good with girls”.

To close this post, some advice from the master himself:

Neil Strauss on things you need to convey to attract women

Tweet