The Pick-Up Diary

According to Neil Strauss, author of The Game, there are several switches that must be flipped in a woman to make her feel attracted to you. Here is his list (there is no order, the switches just should be flipped at some point)

1. You must show her that you’re safe. Trust is an important issue for most women. This must be demonstrated.

2. You must show her that you have either ambition, motivation, or job/financial security. In other words, you must have a life and goals. This is about demonstrating that you have STABILITY and AMBITION. You don’t have to be successful, you just have to show the potential to be successful (unless you’re in your 30s, at which point you should have achieved something).

3. You must show her that you’re different than the other guys, that you are not generic or boring, that she can learn something from you or grow with you, that you have a sense of adventure or creativity or spirituality. This is about showing her that you HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER, even if you don’t give it to her in the moment. This is where demonstrations of higher value (DHVs) are useful.

4. You must be the PRIZE of the room. She wants a guy others will envy her for, that she can brag about to her friends. This is where social proof comes in, where story-telling comes in. It’s also where alpha qualities come in, cocky/funny, and not supplicating. This point is about demonstrating all of the many qualities of CONFIDENCE, LEADERSHIP, AUTHORITY, and POPULARITY

5. It’s a big world and we all feel alone in it, so if you can demonstrate that you UNDERSTAND her and where she comes from, she will feel chemistry. This can largely be done through demonstrating either cultural, mental, emotional, world view, humor, or life/background commonalities. The more obscure and rare a trait that you connect on, the more chemistry you create. This point is about demonstrating COMMONALITIES in order to trigger CHEMISTRY.

6. You need an aura of depth and mystery. You must maybe show a vulnerable or wounded side of yourself, you must not give away everything for free, you must be a puzzle she wants to figure out and maybe even have a wound she can heal. Switch #6 is about hooking her with your DEPTH and MYSTERY.

7. You must show her that you are NOT horny, but sexual. This is where social proof comes in too, also demonstrating an understanding of her world (liking her for who SHE is). The idea here is to demonstrate your own LACK OF DESPERATION while showing her that you RECOGNIZE SOMETHING SPECIAL IN HER THAT ATTRACTS YOU TO HER. This is where QUALIFYING is useful, in other words demonstrating that you like her for who she is.

P.S. Always keep in mind that your body language tells more about you than anything else.

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An attractive lifestyle is the best foundation you can give yourself to date more (and hotter) women. Best of all, it’s easy to do. It takes effort instead of skill. Here are the top 10 Lifestyle Secrets:

1. Lifestyle is the foundation that supports all your pick up skills (approaching, attraction, framing, etc.).

With an attractive lifestyle, you can get away with more “mistakes.” Guys who have terrible lifestyles can still be great with women – but they have much, much less room for error. Lifestyle isn’t enough by itself, but it sure makes everything else easier.

2. Lifestyle begins at home. Your living situation says SO much about you to a woman, and it’s not something you can avoid. If you want to date her or have sex with her, she’s probably going to see where you live.

It’s not about having the fancy address or the luxury mansion. Use your living space to tell her a story about yourself and hint that there’s more to come.

Use your home to show your identity. Did you and her bond over travel stories? Have pictures or objects from your travels kicking around. Each should have a story behind it…but only if she asks. Did you say you are passionate about cooking? Don’t have an empty fridge.

She’s going to assume that everything about how you look and how you live is a deliberate choice that you made. How she feels about these choices leads right in to how she feels about you.

Being true to an attractive identity is more important than fancy furniture or how big your mortgage is.

3. You are who you spend time with.

OK, that’s not literally true, but it’s true enough for a woman who might date you. Are your friends boring and unexciting? Are they all party animals? Is your TV your best friend, or do you have an interesting life?

For a woman, dating you means being part of your world. So introduce her to people and have friends who help you create a lifestyle that she wants to be part of.

4. Be more social and outgoing – every day.

Force yourself to meet one new person or have one social conversation you wouldn’t normally have. For one thing, practice and experience always pay off. The “social masters” put themselves in social situations all the time. Experience, experience, experience helps you become the person who intuitively knows “the right thing to say” in any situation.

Most guys these days use some form of Social Circle Mastery to meet and date hot women through friends and acquaintances and to break into social circles full of high-quality contacts and beautiful women. But you still have to meet people to make it work.

5. If you want to date more than one woman at a time, your lifestyle has to “fit.”

A woman is much more likely to accept you dating multiple women if you have a lifestyle that “fits.” If you have the kind of life where you are outgoing, constantly meeting new people, and very social, a woman is much more likely to accept you having multiple relationships than if she sees you as someone who stays in every night on your computer.

6. Passion conquers all.

We all know or have heard of the guy who lives in his friend’s basement but bring home attractive women any time he wants. To do this, you have to have great skills with women.

But even then, for a lot of these guys their lifestyle is not as bad as it looks. If you’re following your passion and your dream (going for your PhD, making it as a musician, artist, or writer), going back to school, etc – then your lifestyle can fit and be attractive – even if you’re in the basement.

In other words, do not confuse lifestyle with wealth. They are not at all the same thing.

7. Your job is not an excuse.

Some jobs can be lifestyle killers. Whether you’re working a million hours per week, busy every evening, weekend and holiday, your time is never your own, or if you have to live somewhere you don’t want – these are real lifestyle problems.

Unless it’s part of your identity and passion (e.g., endless shifts at the hospital could be worth it if you’re on your way to being a doctor and love medicine), fix this. There are other jobs. Even in this economy.

Ironically, a lot of guys in these 75-hour workweeks got into these careers because they wanted a better lifestyle. Do above-average pay, expensive clothes, and nice cars make you more attractive to women? All things being equal, sure. But 9 times out of 10, a woman is going to be more interested in the guy with interesting friends, experiences, and time and passion to pursue them over the banking drone who hates his job but can afford fancy restaurants.

It’s your life. If you don’t like something, change it. No one else will change it for you.

8. Showing is better than telling. If you have to tell, make her ask.

Your lifestyle is something that exists in reality. So don’t just talk about it, let her experience it. Remember that chart in the Magic Bullets Handbook with the different ways a woman could learn something about you and different effects it would have? That goes doubly true for lifestyle.

So if you have cool friends, introduce her to them. If you’ve got access to cool events, take her to them. And so on. Don’t talk about something you could just as easily do.

Sometimes you don’t have this option – like when you’re first meeting her. If there’s something you really want her to know about you, it’s often most effective to bait her into asking you about it.

A lot of this fits in Storytelling techniques. If you’re not used to embedding and baiting, re-read the chapter on Storytelling in the Magic Bullets Handbook. It builds stories up piece by piece so you have a workable model to communicate just about anything to her in a way that is attractive.

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Before you go out

1. The “Game” begins as soon as you leave the house. Women notice you before you approach them. They should always see you having fun, being social, and looking good. (Going out with fun people/good wingmen and to places you like helps with this.)

2. Dress in a way that is fashionable and expresses your identity. Most women see fashion as self-expression. How do you want her to see you? Dress that way. You can’t avoid this – if you dress to blend in, she’ll just think of you as the kind of guy who wants to blend in. There are some great tips and a how-to guide with before and after pictures in the Magic Bullets Handbook.

You see a beautiful woman…

3. Move your feet. If you get the eyes-feet reflex going (i.e., see a hot girl, start walking over to the hot girl), everything else will – eventually – take care of itself. Get this down until it’s automatic. The longer you delay an approach, the harder it will be. Don’t skip this.

4. Memorize five good openers (opening lines) so you always have one ready to go. If you don’t have this, you’ll often stumble on the beginning of the conversation or even talk yourself out of approaching in the first place. If you don’t have a set of good “go-to” openers that you know work.

The first few seconds…

5. Body language – this is a massive topic and great body language can almost pick up a girl all by itself. Fundamentals for the first few minutes include eye contact, shoulders back and relaxed, hands calm and not in your pockets, standing up straight (don’t fidget), head straight (not tilted). Stand like you would if you owned the world.

6. Speak up! Most men speak too softly when approaching women. Especially at bars and clubs, she must hear you clearly the first time and it must cut across other conversations, the music, etc. Also, use your “chest voice” (Google it) and not your “head voice.”

7. Don’t “milk” the opener. Whatever you said when you came over to talk to her, switch off that topic after a minute. That’s crucial. You want her to see you as an attractive, interesting man, not as “the guy I talked to about such-and-such.”

Getting into the conversation…

8. Be FUN. Don’t be too serious or take yourself or the conversation too seriously. If you look like you’re having fun and enjoying yourself, she will have fun too. Fun is contagious…

9. … but don’t be a dancing monkey. You’re not trying to become her personal clown or court jester. Have fun and be fun, but don’t try to entertain.

10. Some things that are great for attraction and are also fun include storytelling, teasing, and role plays. It’s okay if you prefer one or two of these – each of these techniques has its own skill set. Go with what works for you.

11. Avoid “interviews.” Don’t ask her too many questions. A question or two shows some interest in who she is as a person, but more than that is what every guy does; it’s boring and a turnoff. It’s also a waste – asking her a question about herself does nothing to attract her or let her get to know your good qualities. Instead, make statements. E.g., instead of asking where she’s from, make a guess. Or tell her where you’re from and she’ll do the same.

12. Similarly, don’t play tourist in her life. So you find out she’s a stewardess/porn star/nuclear scientist and you’re curious to know more. Save it. If she’s attracted to you, you’ll have all the time in the world to ask whatever you want.

13. NEVER leave a conversation because you “run out of things to say.” Force yourself to stay. Your brain will learn, if it is forced to, how to improvise. Or use one of the hundreds of proven “things to say” (called routines) in the Routines Manual. Be strict with yourself on this.

Making attraction STICK

Some guys think of attraction as something that takes a long time but once you got it, it’s permanent. That’s doubly wrong. Women feel attracted to men all the time, and it doesn’t take long – within minutes of beginning a conversation. But if you don’t do anything to solidify or lock in that attraction, it goes away as quickly as it came.

14. Qualification is the best way to keep her attracted. By making her work a bit for you and by leading the conversation to a place where you and her admit that you are interested in each other, you’re not some fleeting guy… you’re a guy she needs more of.

15. Phone numbers are not attraction. Getting a phone number does not mean she is attracted to you. Getting a phone number before she is attracted to you is next to useless.

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If you ever break any of these 15, print out the list, carry it in your wallet, and review them until they are instinctive and you don’t even need to think about them anymore. Content provided by Savoy from Love Systems.