The Pick-Up Diary

No matter how and where you meet a girl, at some point in the conversation you need to find out her number. However, asking “Can I have your number?” shouldnt be your choice.

Here is why: She knows you want her phone number. Logically, she knows it’s because you’re interested in her, but emotionally, there’s nothing there. If she’s really attracted to you, you might get away with this. If she’s on the fence, it won’t leave her excited to hear from you again.

“I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. I’d like to continue this conversation. Can I have your number?”

That’s a little better, but only a little. If she’s emotionally excited about “more conversation” with you, she’ll look forward to your call. Or if she’s deeply attracted already. If not, you need to do something better.

Here is what you need to do:

1) Find commonalities
2) Talk about how a commonality makes you feel. So don’t just leave it at “I love traveling” talk about the excitement of new places, the thrill of meeting new people, opening your horizons, etc.
3) Build from that commonality to a date associated with it.

For example:

You find out (in Step 1) that you both love cooking. For step 2, you talk about how cooking makes you feel. She tells you that she likes taking care of people and making them feel good. You can relate that back to how you cut the grass at your grandmother’s house on the weekends because you take care of those who take care of you… In turn, your grandmother has taught you how to make an ethnic dish as a way of her living on through you.

Now paint a picture in her mind. Describe how you make the dish, giving little secrets that grandma told you. (e.g., say “a pinch and a half,” in grandma’s accent.) Talk about how it tastes and the mess you’ll make and how it’s all worth it. If you have good storytelling skills, she’ll be enjoying this.

Next is step 3 – invite her to come over and make this dish with you. Put her into the scene you just described and show her how she can help. Set some logistics (“Tuesday night”), not “some time.” Get her phone number so you can tell her what time to come over the day of the date.

Have the attitude that you are a busy guy and have a lot going on, but since she seems pretty darn cool, you’d love to meet up with her. (This is an underlying attitude, not something you say explicitly.)

Bonus tip: Text back and forth leading up to the date, and always confirm that you are still “on” the day before. It’s not you being unsure or insecure; you’re just a busy guy who can’t put time aside if the date won’t turn out (and you should be).

If you’re new to this, have a couple date ideas queued up for different types of girls: active, creative, outdoors, etc.

If you’re more advanced, you can cold read her on these types and frame parts of her personality into it. Then it makes sense for her to enjoy your date idea.

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An attractive lifestyle is the best foundation you can give yourself to date more (and hotter) women. Best of all, it’s easy to do. It takes effort instead of skill. Here are the top 10 Lifestyle Secrets:

1. Lifestyle is the foundation that supports all your pick up skills (approaching, attraction, framing, etc.).

With an attractive lifestyle, you can get away with more “mistakes.” Guys who have terrible lifestyles can still be great with women – but they have much, much less room for error. Lifestyle isn’t enough by itself, but it sure makes everything else easier.

2. Lifestyle begins at home. Your living situation says SO much about you to a woman, and it’s not something you can avoid. If you want to date her or have sex with her, she’s probably going to see where you live.

It’s not about having the fancy address or the luxury mansion. Use your living space to tell her a story about yourself and hint that there’s more to come.

Use your home to show your identity. Did you and her bond over travel stories? Have pictures or objects from your travels kicking around. Each should have a story behind it…but only if she asks. Did you say you are passionate about cooking? Don’t have an empty fridge.

She’s going to assume that everything about how you look and how you live is a deliberate choice that you made. How she feels about these choices leads right in to how she feels about you.

Being true to an attractive identity is more important than fancy furniture or how big your mortgage is.

3. You are who you spend time with.

OK, that’s not literally true, but it’s true enough for a woman who might date you. Are your friends boring and unexciting? Are they all party animals? Is your TV your best friend, or do you have an interesting life?

For a woman, dating you means being part of your world. So introduce her to people and have friends who help you create a lifestyle that she wants to be part of.

4. Be more social and outgoing – every day.

Force yourself to meet one new person or have one social conversation you wouldn’t normally have. For one thing, practice and experience always pay off. The “social masters” put themselves in social situations all the time. Experience, experience, experience helps you become the person who intuitively knows “the right thing to say” in any situation.

Most guys these days use some form of Social Circle Mastery to meet and date hot women through friends and acquaintances and to break into social circles full of high-quality contacts and beautiful women. But you still have to meet people to make it work.

5. If you want to date more than one woman at a time, your lifestyle has to “fit.”

A woman is much more likely to accept you dating multiple women if you have a lifestyle that “fits.” If you have the kind of life where you are outgoing, constantly meeting new people, and very social, a woman is much more likely to accept you having multiple relationships than if she sees you as someone who stays in every night on your computer.

6. Passion conquers all.

We all know or have heard of the guy who lives in his friend’s basement but bring home attractive women any time he wants. To do this, you have to have great skills with women.

But even then, for a lot of these guys their lifestyle is not as bad as it looks. If you’re following your passion and your dream (going for your PhD, making it as a musician, artist, or writer), going back to school, etc – then your lifestyle can fit and be attractive – even if you’re in the basement.

In other words, do not confuse lifestyle with wealth. They are not at all the same thing.

7. Your job is not an excuse.

Some jobs can be lifestyle killers. Whether you’re working a million hours per week, busy every evening, weekend and holiday, your time is never your own, or if you have to live somewhere you don’t want – these are real lifestyle problems.

Unless it’s part of your identity and passion (e.g., endless shifts at the hospital could be worth it if you’re on your way to being a doctor and love medicine), fix this. There are other jobs. Even in this economy.

Ironically, a lot of guys in these 75-hour workweeks got into these careers because they wanted a better lifestyle. Do above-average pay, expensive clothes, and nice cars make you more attractive to women? All things being equal, sure. But 9 times out of 10, a woman is going to be more interested in the guy with interesting friends, experiences, and time and passion to pursue them over the banking drone who hates his job but can afford fancy restaurants.

It’s your life. If you don’t like something, change it. No one else will change it for you.

8. Showing is better than telling. If you have to tell, make her ask.

Your lifestyle is something that exists in reality. So don’t just talk about it, let her experience it. Remember that chart in the Magic Bullets Handbook with the different ways a woman could learn something about you and different effects it would have? That goes doubly true for lifestyle.

So if you have cool friends, introduce her to them. If you’ve got access to cool events, take her to them. And so on. Don’t talk about something you could just as easily do.

Sometimes you don’t have this option – like when you’re first meeting her. If there’s something you really want her to know about you, it’s often most effective to bait her into asking you about it.

A lot of this fits in Storytelling techniques. If you’re not used to embedding and baiting, re-read the chapter on Storytelling in the Magic Bullets Handbook. It builds stories up piece by piece so you have a workable model to communicate just about anything to her in a way that is attractive.

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You probably know from experience that you can make a lot of mistakes interacting with women. Women are much more sensitive about social dynamics than men. They can figure out how experienced you are with women in minutes – if not in seconds.

The reason is simple: Women have a much higher interaction experience than men because on the one hand they interact much more than men in general (with men and women). On the other hand since they are 13 years old, guys are hitting on them. So the sum of experience women have with men is much higher than the other way round. Men have a lot to catch up on in this area.

What does this mean for you? Simply that the more experiences you make interacting with women, the BETTER you will get (provided that you don’t make the same mistakes again and again). This means you have to practice a lot. But how can you actually attract women?

1) Improve the way you dress.

Looks are NOT the most important part of attracting women, but they are important, because they affect how somebody who doesn’t know you will assess you. People judge by the looks and you have only seconds to demonstrate that you are a man of style. Don’t mess it up with boring sweaters and dirty sneakers.

You don’t have to dress like a gigolo either. If you look like a software engineer, try to loosen your clothes a little bit – add some color to it. Get rid of plaid and Hawaiian shirts. Look for some interesting necklaces, rings or wristbands. Why? Because every woman wants to know what they stand for. You also will stand out from the mass.

2) Become more social.

This simply means that on every given event where a lot of people come together, you should interact with different women and men. Get to know people. Try to make a habit of it.

This might be the most important tip. Why? Because one of the things women look for in a man is (social) status. Standing alone in a corner with a beer in your hand watching all the other people having fun is the lowest status you can demonstrate. You think women are too busy talking to someone to notice it? Think again. Women have something like a radar for social status. They notice in seconds who’s the center of attraction at a party (and feel drawn to this person) and who’s the loser nobody’s talking to.

So, try to become the center of attraction interacting with people. It’s not easy, especially if you are not a social person. But it’s no nuclear science either – you can definitely LEARN it. For example you can come up with: “Hi guys! I have a quick question for you – who lies more, men or women?” It’s a topic everyone likes to talk about and nobody will shut you down on this one. The tricky thing with this “opener” (a question or statement you start a conversation with) is that you need to explain why you are asking. So say something like “I read a female magazine (at the dentist) today and they did this study. Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…”

If you are a shy person and can’t bring yourself to talk to “strangers”, please consider this: Shyness is not in your genes. It all comes back to a habit. For the most part you are shy because you don’t talk to people! Make the first step, than make the second and the third. And before you can say knife being social will become your new habit.

You don’t want to change yourself? Maybe this will motivate you: If you carry on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll carry on getting what you’ve always got – the same poor outcomes (NO girls, NO fun, NO happiness).

3) Be different.

This sounds like an ad slogan and is nonetheless a key point in attracting women. Try to develop a unique personality, your own point of view on anything. Have concrete goals in life.

Why? Because it makes you interesting, it makes you stand out from the last 10 or even 100 guys the girl you’re talking to hooked up with. It’s a fact: Women like men with (concrete!) goals because this demonstrates a strong, assertive character.

Being different also means that you can demonstrate (a special) value – something not everyone can do. This doesn’t mean that you have to play a greasy song on the guitar (but do so if you can!). For example you can ask her about the last time she laughed with all her heart (say a friend asked you this and you didn’t know what to answer first). Ask her to tell you about the happiest moment of her life or a special moment in her childhood and then tell yours. Try to relate to her thoughts and feelings, but don’t overdo it.

Read up on palm reading, dream interpretation or psycho tests (it’s not that difficult to memorize this stuff as all those “tests” work with given patterns) and use it on your next date. Women love all kinds of tests.

Don’t forget: it’s not only about the content but your presentation as 70-80 % of the communication is non-verbal. Facial expression, body language (posture, gestures) and tonality are extremely important. With that being said, is makes sense to work on your voice (learn to speak more slowly and with a deeper voice), your gestures (try to eliminate nervous movements etc.) and your gaze (practice smiling in from of a mirror). The most effective way to find out what you need to work on is to ask a good friend to videotape you (while approaching someone).

Although it’s a lot of work, it’s a lot of fun too! And you will get better every time you perform those things. So, don’t put it off, start practicing today!

P.S. Did you know that if she touches (or plays with) her hair she’s probably interested in you?

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It?™s not easy to approach a woman who is working – a waitress for example – because she has seen and heard it all: all the horny guys and their stupid pick-up lines. So she puts on a shield to protect herself. But it?™s important to realize that behind that shield is always a human being. Your goal is to break that shield.

The best way to do this is to get rid of the roles that we assume when we become “waiter/customer”. She must feel that you are a person with feelings, not just a customer

Teasing is a great way to reach a woman and break down her protective shield. For example when she comes to your table and says “Do you guys want to drink something?”, say “Wow, you?™re quite fast. I don?™t even know you yet and you?™re trying to get me drunk.” Try to find out her name if she doesn?™t mention it.

You can also try to tease her that the service is not that great. If she brings you a drink say playfully “This drink doesn?™t have enough ice… the service here is really bad.” Smile, so she understands you?™re just fooling around.

In the further interaction, drop a small joke here and there if you can. Smile and pretend to have a good time. When you?™re done eating/ drinking, say the following (with a confident voice): “Listen, (her name). You and I both know that you get hit on all the time. And I know it gets annoying. But you do seem like a great girl, and I?™d like to see you under some other circumstances where I could hit on you. What do you think?”

Remember: there are no guarantees in pick-up, only trial and error!

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Its always an awkward situation when a girl asks you if you have a girlfriend. The thought process for most guys is: Uhm, it feels weird to admit I dont have a girlfriend, but if I say I do she wont be interested anymore I better say No

Its not a mistake, but its not a good way to deal with this question. A good rule to follow is: Dont give women direct answers to their questions! Try to keep some mystery about yourself. For example if she asks What do you do? Dont answer with Im a lawyer, software engineer, banker/etc. Say? I work at night? or Im an ass-model?. Later on you can always tell her your real occupation.

Here is a better way to deal with the “Do you have a girlfriend?” question and. It?™s the infamous “Girlfriend Test Routine” and it?™s best to use after you have some connection…

She: “So, do you have a girlfriend?”
You: “To be my girlfriend is an exclusive thing. There?™s a test. Only 3 questions…”
Women love tests. There is no way she won?™t want to take the test.

Before you ask her the 3 questions, take a pen and write the correct answers on her palm or a piece of paper that you put in her hand and say she?™s isn?™t allowed to look. This way she will know there are correct answers which she may or may not get right and you not just let her pass. Your value will grow in her eyes because you are putting the interaction at risk.
You also demonstrate you don?™t just accept any girl as a girlfriend.

Now close her hand and ask the following questions:

1. Which do you enjoy more? A shower or a warm bath?
2. What is the sexiest food? Whipped crème or strawberries?
3. What feels better? Kisses on your neck or nibbling on your ear?

The correct answers are bath, strawberries and kisses on the neck. In most cases she will answer the first two correctly. The last question is perfect for intense kino (touching) or a kiss. If she gets it right, say: “I’m glad you like this (nibble or kiss).”

If she gets it wrong, whisper in her ear “I can’t be with you if you really believe this (nibble ear) feels better than this (kiss neck).”

If she gets all the questions wrong make fun of her – playfully!

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Following my last post, I have put together a list of healthy foods that dont require any cooking. Healthy foods are basically whole, not processed foods that give your body the vitamins and minerals it needs. Examples are fresh fruits and vegetables, fish, all kinds of nuts, milk (if you want to lose fat only once a week), whey and (green) beans.

However beans and vegetables arent particularly tasty. And who said there arent foods that are good for your health but also tasty? So here are my top 7 healthy but tasty foods:

1) Dark chocolate. Big surprise! Apart from the positive effects on your mood, dark chocolate (high-cacao content) also has positive effects on your heart, circulatory system, brain function and skin. Of course you should eat it in moderation (max. a 1.6-ounce a day).

2) Coconuts. Those nuts are not only tasty but also extremely rich in selenium, potassium and healthy fat.

3) Blueberries. They taste good and are full of antioxidants and fiber.

4) Almonds. Almonds contain about 50% oils (mostly omega-9 fatty acids that are good for your brain). They are also rich in vitamin E, fiber and essential minerals. Try to eat them instead of chips and other snacks but restrain yourself if you can – they have a lot of calories.

5) Avocados. They may not be to everyone?™s taste, but they are full of vitamins (B, E, K), minerals, fiber and healthy fat. You can also make a guacamole (mashed avocados with garlic, onion, tomato, pepper, etc.).

6) Salmon. Salmon is full of omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins (D, A and B) and minerals like Selenium, Zinc, Phosphorus, Calcium and Iron. And it?™s delicious.

7) Full-Fat Milk. Milk not only tastes good but provides your body with calcium, magnesium, selenium and potassium as well as vitamin C, D, A, B and K. Athletes should give low-fat chocolate milk a try after workouts as studies show it is even better for muscle recovery than special sports drinks.

You may have noticed most of the foods on my list are rich in fat. But it is monounsaturated fat, the “good” fat, which can even lower LDL cholesterol in your body. The good fat doesn?™t really make you fat. Carbohydrates, especially too much sugar does.

The foods mentioned above make you feel full whereas sugar makes you crave for more and thus consume more calories. More important: carbohydrates in general stop your body from burning fat. So if you want to lose fat and don?™t have the time to exercise, try to avoid carbohydrates.

That?™s why bananas are not on this list. Yes, bananas have some vitamins and taste good, but in contrast to most fruits (for example apples) which contain fructose and glucose, bananas also contain sucrose (= carbohydrates), which is quite similar to table sugar. So the bad thing about bananas it that they affect your blood sugar levels almost like sugar does. And when the blood sugar level rises, the body produces insulin which stores sugar as glycogen in fat tissue.

P.S. If you can?™t stop eating toast (= carbohydrates) for breakfast, try coffee with a small piece of butter (grass-fed, unsalted). It?™s fat, but healthy fat and will make you forget all the bad carbo-stuff. It might take getting used to at first, but it’s worth it.

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I have a boyfriend? – women say this sentence ever so often. But a lot of women (especially very attractive women) actually use this line when they don’t. Often they just want to protect themselves from admirers.

However, often enough they also want to test your reaction. This strategy allows them to get rid of insecure or inexperienced guys really fast. In fact, you can make it even easier for them by asking if she has a boyfriend. That?™s a huge rookie mistake. You should never ask if she has a boyfriend.

But what if she mentions it on her own? Simply ignore it. Keep doing whatever you were doing. If you show that you’re not threatened by this, you’ll pass her “test.” If you know her already a bit, you can use this line: “Does he treat you well?” As she says “Yes” answer with “Oh. (short pause) I wouldn’t.”

Besides, for especially hot women a boyfriend isn’t always a boyfriend. (“9 and 10 game” really is different from regular game in some important ways.

If she really has a boyfriend, you can still get her, but you’ve got to be good at what you?™re doing. But even in that situation – don?™t quit and walk away!

Here is why: Attached women make great wing-women. A lot of them miss the flirting and the thrill of the chase. They can’t do it themselves, but they can be part of it with you. And you probably know that a (hot) girl boosts your value in the eyes of other girls tremendously.

You can say something like: “Well, since you’ve ruined my plan of getting together with the most absolutely beautiful and interesting woman in this city tonight, you’re going to have to make this up to me. Now, if have to help me meet the second most beautiful and interesting and cool woman in this town. What do you think of that girl by the bar?”

You can walk over together and approach her (use an opinion opener to settle a dispute you both are having) or ask her to approach her for you.

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For women many things are more important than your looks: status, confidence, pre-selection, leadership, decisiveness etc. Even grooming (skin, nails, haircut, perfume etc.) counts more than good looks.

But it?™s also true that women find good-looking men more attractive than average-looking men. In fact, surveys show women are far more likely to get involved in a one-night stand when the guy is good-looking and has an attractive body. From the evolutionary point of view, a healthy, good-looking body is an indicator of good genes and thus promises healthy offspring. And that’s what women feel unconsciously when they see an “attractive” body.

That doesn?™t mean you should become a bodybuilder – most women don?™t even find bodybuilders attractive – but working out regularly should be a must. Lose the extra pounds, work on your chest and biceps. You will feel good and have more confidence. However, working out should always go hand in hand with working on your social skills.

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Its a fact: Most guys who arent good with women dont use kino (kinesthetics), that is touching, at all! Some of them are so nervous meeting a girl that they forget about touching completely and when it comes to their mind it feels awkward (the logic: I havent touched her the whole time, so it would be strange to do it now).

However, one cannot overemphasise the importance of touching. In fact, studies show that 65 % of women accept the offer of a dance when being (briefly) touched on the arm – compared with 43 % when not being touched (Gueguen, N. 2007). On the street, 20 % of women are willing to give their telephone number when you approach with a brief touch on the upper arm. Without touching only 10 % agree. You are even 20 % more likely to get money from a stranger on the street if you approach with a brief touch on the upper arm.

The reason why touching is so effective is because it is unconsciously perceived as an indicator of high status (Major & Heslin, 1982; Summerhayes & Suchner 1978). And as you probably know nothing is more important for women than your status (not even shoes, because it?™s your status that is promising shoes etc.). From the evolutionary perspective, men with a high status are ideal because they are able to provide for the family.

Most women don?™t consciously register the touch, but unconsciously they feel a positive effect. And no, it?™s not weird being “the touchy guy” – as long as you are authentic. That means you need to be the touchy guy all the time, with everyone and not only with her in a cozy lounge. Give guys a high five, a friendly pat on the back, touch the upper arm of a girl when you ask for directions and your value will skyrocket (without being the old-bold-asshole in a Ferrari).

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A lot of guys won’t approach a woman when she’s sitting down – like at a restaurant, park bench, or if there are couches or places to sit at a bar or club.

And I understand why.  When I was first figuring out how to meet and attract beautiful women, I had the same problem.  It’s really awkward to just be standing there when a woman and her friends are all looking at you and you’re obviously the outsider.  A lot of times it took all the confidence I had just to approach and survive the awkwardness — let alone run smooth, solid game in that situation.
But I figured out a couple solutions.

First off, the only thing that’s different is that you have to find a way to get you and her on the same “level”.  Both sitting or both standing, either is fine.

Usually, you’ll have more luck sitting with her and her friends than getting her to stand up with you, but either way works.  Or if you and your friends are at a nearby table, you can also move her and her whole group over to join you guys.  (That’s often how it works at a nightclub).

The move that gives a lot of guys the most trouble is joining her group and sitting at her table.  Here’s how to do it.  On the way over to her, look around.  Are there empty seats at her table?  Great!  If not, are there chairs nearby that can be easily moved to her table (and is there room)?  Etc.  Know what your possibilities are.  (This takes about one second — it’s not an excuse to delay approaching)
Within a minute – during your transition from your opener – you need to sit down with her.  Even if you are comfortable standing.  The best way to do this is to sit down while you are saying something, ideally, while you are using a False Time Constraint (telling her you have to get back to your friends in a second, etc.).  The more you can make sitting down look temporary, the better.  One trick I like to use with some chairs is to sit on them backwards — so like I’m facing the back of the chair (and still facing her of course — turn the chair around, not your body).

The reason for this is, it’s hard to have enough value within a minute that she (and her friends) can decide they want you with them for the rest of the night.  But when you sit down with them, that’s how they might interpret it — that this guy is settling in for the rest of the night with them.  They’ll get defensive and attraction becomes much harder.  But you can’t stay standing for much longer than a minute while they’re sitting because you’ll look like a tool.

Dragging a chair over to her table works the same way.  Ideally you can keep facing her and talking to her while you reach over and drag a chair. Like I wrote in Magic Bullets, don’t ask for permission; just use a false time constraint.

If there are no obvious extra seats, you can steal hers. Reach your arm out, palm up. Tell her to stand up. Raise your arm directly up to “spin” her (she is doing all of the spinning; you just touch her hand) and while doing this, move behind her and sit on her chair. Tease her for a second that you stole her chair and deliver another false time constraint. You’re implying that you’re about to leave and that you will give her the chair back. Within a couple of minutes, you will either need to let her sit back down and go get another chair, move her somewhere else where you can both be comfortable, or put her on your lap.

Here are two scenarios you might encounter, along with a solution on how to handle each of them.

Scenario 1: She is sitting at a large table, there is space available, most nearby tables are full, and there is a reason to be sitting down (e.g., a coffee shop).

This is the easiest scenario, but fairly rare. Just walk straight over to the table and say “do you mind if I sit down?” in the same way you would if it was a man at the table. Then, not right away but within the next 20 seconds, begin a conversation. You should use a very low-energy opener in this situation. This is the easiest way to approach this situation, but you can also use the strategies from earlier in this article if you prefer.

Scenario 2: She is sitting at a table either without extra room or where nearby tables are empty. Sit at a table close enough to hers so that you could comfortably have a conversation. Ignore her for the first couple minutes, and then initiate conversation in the same way as in the previous example. Again, this is just a shortcut. If you prefer, you can still use one of the strategies from earlier in this article.

The general rule is, don’t keep standing while everyone is seated. This will lower your social value. Take a seat as soon as you can, use a false time constraint, and go from there like you talk to any other group of people.

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