The Pick-Up Diary

If you want to get better with women, become a social person. The reasons are simple:

1) This way you get to know a lot of people – and a lot of women.

2) You lose your fear talking to women you don’t know.

3) You get better in conversation with people – and women can tell within minutes if not seconds who’s a social person and who’s a nerd.

4) You will become extremely magnetic to women. The reason for this is called “social proof” – a basic psychological principle. The story behind it is that if a lot people are doing something, others tend to believe it must be the right thing to do. That is, if you talk to a lot of people (at a party aso.) – this is what being social means – it boosts your value. You seem like the guy who knows everyone, and everyone seems to know you – except the person who’s watching you, this pretty girl drinking and joking with her friends. Now, she wants to know who that guy is, she is interested in you.

What does “being social mean”? This simply means that on every given event where a lot of people come together, you should interact with different women and man. Get to know people. Try to make a habit of it.

Maybe you say you are not a communicative person and never will be. If you look at yourself like this, you can only lose. A sentence like “I can’t do this” is called a “limiting belief” – something that will automaticly hold you off reaching this special goal (the what you can’t do). Instead try to look at it like a challenge or a game that you are trying to win. Are you really that weak and small that you can’t talk to people you don’t know? Of course you are not. You only don’t want to expose yourself to a territory that is new to you. But it’s important to get out of the comfort zone – otherwise you don’t learn a thing and everything will remain as it is – you being alone.

One of the things women look for in a man is (social) status. Standing alone in a corner with a beer in your hand watching all the other people having fun is the lowest status you can demonstrate.

You think women are too busy talking to someone to notice it? As if! Women have something like a radar for social status. They notice in seconds who?™s the center of attraction on a party (and feel drawn to this person) and who?™s the loser nobody?™s talking to.

So, try to become the center of attraction interacting with people. It?™s not easy, especially if you are not a social person. But it?™s no nuclear science either, that means you can learn it. It’s about what you do instead of what you think that you are. You are not social not because you were born like that but probably because you don’t talk to new people or are alone at work and don’t talk to someone. It’s all a habit. If you talk to new people everyday you will become social.

Maybe you don’t know what to say. How about asking a question that has been on your mind lately? Something like “Hi! I have a quick question for you – do you think being social has to do something with your genes? Me and my buddy have a discussion on this…”.

Or you use something canned like Hi guys! I have a quick question for you – who lies more, men or women? It’s a topic everyone likes to talk about and nobody will shut you down on this one. The tricky thing with this opener (a question or statement you start a conversation with) is that you need to explain why you are asking. So say something like “I read a female magazine (at the dentist) today and they did this study. Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…”

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Telling stories in one of the best ways to generate attraction in pick-up when done correctly. If you want to be able to pick up a girl you gotta learn to tell stories.

Here are some basic guidelines for storytelling:

1. Material. Choose stories that are interesting, fun and relevant to her! Avoid stories about distasteful subjects, i.e. death, car accidents, bad breakups, etc. Use stories you tell often to friends and new people that get big laughs.

2. Be succinct. Write your story out word for word and then gut it. Get rid of everything the listener doesn’t need to know and doesn’t care about. It?™s better to cut too much than too little. State the boring but necessary details as succinctly as possible.

3. Lead in. This is how you start the story. The lead in should be congruent with the story to follow. Communicate using words, tonality and energy the type of story to follow. Some examples are, “Oh my God, the funniest/craziest/weirdest thing happened to me the other day!” or “You’ll never believe this, check it out.”

4. Hook. An initial hook is something that makes peoples’ ears perk up. It should be as close to the beginning of the story as possible and should be specifically chosen to make people lean in and pay attention. Bad: My friend called me the other day and left me a message to call him back. So I called him and he went on and on about his Mother’s operation before finally telling me about this party he wanted to go to. Turns out, it’s an S & M party! Good: So the other day I went to this S & M party!

5. Unanswered questions. Craft your story so that there will be unanswered questions in the listener’s mind. You want them to ask you questions that give you the opportunity to further increase your value. Example: So I was picking up my new car the other day and the salesman wouldn’t stop asking me about my watch. The girl I was with finally told him we had to go so she could pick up her instrument for a concert she was doing that night. Unanswered questions: What kind of car did you just buy? What kind of watch were you wearing? Are you rich? Who was the girl you were with? What kind of performance did she have to get to?

6. Allude. In the examples above you’re alluding. You’re alluding to the fact that you have money, as you just bought a new car and have a cool watch. You’re alluding to the fact that you hang out with cool girls. Stated directly, any of this information would sound like bragging, so you allude to it. Make them ask you about it; don’t volunteer it.

7. Subcommunication. This has to do mostly with tonality. The same story can be told playfully, seductively or in a way that generates intrigue. Calibrate to your audience and know what you want to subcommunicate.

8. Convey personality traits. In telling a story, you’re telling someone a great deal about yourself. Know what personality traits want to convey. Craft your stories to subtly tell someone you’re adventurous, rich, famous, creative, courageous, etc.

9. Tonality. This is hard to put in print, but vary your tonality as widely as possible. Talk slow, then fast, then low, then high and then higher! Make transitions smoothly and tell the story in a way that sucks your listener right in. Along with this, act out parts of the story with your hands or your whole body.

10. Have a punch line. A punch line is a line that sums up your story in a powerful way. It’s a way of letting the listener know that the story is over. It doesn’t have to be funny, though in many stories used in the field it will be. Examples: – “That’s the last time I take THAT dog to the beach!” – “From now on I’m asking to see girls’ ID’s!”

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Do you want more success with women in 2012? Then you need to check out these 7 simple tips to get the girl in 2012.

1. Meeting women isn’t just for Saturday nights

Bars and clubs are only a small part of the world. Branch out. Do some Day Game. Develop a social circle that generates attractive women for you to meet naturally. Build a lifestyle that puts beautiful women in your path. On the other hand, don?™t try to be one person when you meet women and another person in the rest of your life. If you need to be more social, be more social every day. If you need to be a better storyteller, be a better storyteller every day. And so on.

2. Write down your goals and how you plan to get there

Studies show that people who write down and commit to their goals are over 600% more effective. And don?™t forget to do a small step towards them every day.

3. Learn how to flirt over text/sms

If you date women who are under 40, you need to learn to text/sms. Texting should build attraction, increase sexual tension, qualify her, and let her get to know you better. In other words, everything we used to have to do in person. A phone number alone isnt that valuable, but if you know how to use text conversations to get her dying to see you again? – its money!

4. Schedule your priorities. Prioritize your schedule

Don’t leave what is important to you for if you have any time left at the end of the day/week/month/year/etc. Put what is important to you on your schedule and stick to it. That means some things will have to fall off. That’s okay. It’s much better to choose what you don’t have time for than to let what is urgent keep you away from what is important.

5. Get good wingmen

Good wingmen force each other to go out, make each other do their approaches, and encourage and help each other when they see something wrong. Good wingmen also let you have a lot more success. While you can definitely attract women when you go out alone it’s a lot better if you have a wingman to help you out. And more fun too!

6. Upgrade your fashion and hairstyle

Clothes and hairstyle say so much about you. To a woman, your clothes and hairstyle are a choice – and she wants to know what they say about you. Are you fashionable and cool? Or out of touch and lame? Are you fun and fresh and exciting? Or boring and afraid to be yourself? Do you respect yourself and have attention to detail? Or do just wear whatever? Make 2012 the year you get your “look” SOLVED if they’re not already.

7. Be man enough to get help

Most men aren’t good at this. Women don’t have this problem. They ask for and share advice all the time – and get much more personal than most men. This gives women a social advantage. Redress the balance in your own life – get some advice!

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Do you want a phone number and a date? Or do you want to take her home? Or is she your next girlfriend? The distinction is important, because each path leads in a different direction.

1. How to pick up a girl if you want casual hookups. Focus on Physical Escalation (touching) and Logistics (getting her alone with you somewhere where you can take things to the next level). Remember to touch early and touch often. Find out early in the night who she is with and where she is going later. A couple quick tips:

– Make the numbers match. If you’re alone and the woman you meet is with her friend, get an instant wingman. You can use opinion openers with guys you don’t know in order to draw them into the conversation.
– Whispering is a great way to create sexual tension – it lets you get right close and is a huge turn-on to many women (always have chewing gum with you ;)
– In Day Game, physical escalation is less important and logistics are more important. Don’t try to seduce her on the street. Make a date for later that night.
– Use roleplays

2. If you want phone numbers and dates then it’s mostly about the Emotional Connection. Physical Escalation/ touching is less important on the first meeting (but still do it) and Logistics aren’t usually very important at all.

Emotional connection comes through conversation. So you need great conversation and flirting skills. Here are a couple of flirting/conversation skills:

– Never ask two questions in a row. Alternate statements and questions.
– Don’t play tourist in her life. Add value.
– Flirting is playful, not serious. It’s also supposed to be fun. Make her have fun.
– Cut off any conversation topics that won’t help you (e.g., her ex-boyfriend, her sick cat, her 6am wakeup call tomorrow, etc.).
– Be at the same energy level as her or slightly higher.

The second part of this is that once you get her phone number, you still need to turn it into a date. Here are a couple hints to get you going:

– Texting is usually better start than phoning for the first contact.
– Always sign your texts. If she has to respond with “who is this?” it kills the emotional momentum.
– If you call, get off the phone first, after about 10-12 minutes. Never leave voicemails.
– Never text her back quicker than she texted you back.
– Be unpredictable. Alternate long and short texts, funny and serious, questions and statements.
– Use statements more than questions. You don’t lose anything if she doesn’t respond to “I’m going to the House of Blues tonight!” You do if she doesn’t respond to “Would you like to come to the House of Blues with me?”
– Use Callback Humor whenever possible. If you did any role-plays when you met, start the call by continuing the role play. If you gave her a goofy nickname, start by calling her that.

3. If you are looking for a girlfriend or long-term relationship

Here’s where you need the full package. You need the conversation skills, you need the phone and text game skills (because there are going to be a few dates before she becomes your girlfriend and you’ve got to keep things going in between those dates).

You’ll also need – unlike in the last two cases – an attractive lifestyle. A woman can hook up with you without caring about what you do with your time, but for a woman to become your girlfriend, she has to want to join your life. That’s friends, hobbies, job, social life, interests, etc.

Here are a few handy lifestyle hints:

Prioritize your schedule and schedule your priorities. If you don’t make time for what’s important to you, it won’t happen. It’s much better to be passionate about something that she might not be interested in than to adopt “high status” hobbies you don’t connect with. Women love hearing men talk about something with passion and love telling their friends about it.

P.P.S. The holiday season is coming. And it’s not just about stress and travel – it’s also a great opportunity to attract women – especially holiday shopping!

The usual Day Game system that most men use will also work just fine at the mall during the holidays. But if you’re shyer, there’s another way. Approach a woman you’re attracted to with something like: “My sister says she needs a new purse for Christmas. What’s in style these days?”

The transition from this is easy; ask her to help you pick one out. Be near a purse store when you start the conversation and save your receipt. Or ask her what she’s doing and then “realize” you’re both doing your holiday shopping at a lot of the same stores, so why not do it together?

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Next time you?™re in a bar or club, try this routine. Girls simply love it.

You: Hey, are you a good liar?
Her: What?
You: Can you lie? (Turn to her friends) Is she a good liar?
Her friends: Yes! She is a fantastic liar!/ No, she can’t lie.
You: Is that right? Well, let?™s see. You are going to tell me three things. One of them will be a lie. Ok?
Her: Ok.
You: Right…You are going to tell me…a place you have always wanted to visit. A shop you like going to…and….the name of the first guy you slept with, or girl…(gets her laughing/ smiling)
You: So that’s three things, place to visit, shop you like and first guy you slept with. Ok? (all her friends are now looking at her)
Her: Ok.
You: Hold on, take it slow, think about it. You have to be as convincing as you can…

She tells, you try and pick the lie. Then usually someone goes “my turn!” and if they say to you “your turn” you go “are you kidding, I am not playing some silly lie game”, then turn to your wing saying “These people are crazy”. Then go get a drink or something and let them think about what a fun guy you are. You will get IOIs (indicators of interest) en masse.

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As you may know, women are attracted to a man with an exciting lifestyle, a strong social network, ambitious goals and heart at the right place (being able to show love for her and his family). However, instead of demonstrating these things, a lot of guys complain or try to show off on the first date. They dont realize that you can lose the girl really fast saying the “wrong” things.

So, here are the top 5 verbal mistakes you can make on the first date:

1. “I dont date.” or “My last girlfriend was forever ago.”

She thinks: “No other women will touch this guy and neither should I.” Instead you should demonstrate pre-selection (show her other women want you). Tell her a story of an interesting date you had or drop names of female friends into your stories.

2. “I like to stay at home and play video games.”

She thinks: “This guy is a geek.” You should be conveying to her that you’re an adventurous risk-taker. Talk about when you did something dangerous (sky-diving, hang gliding, bungee
jumping, etc). If you haven’t done something like that, then talk about your desire to do so.

3. “My friends are stupid.”

She thinks: “He has bad friends because he?™s a bad person.” Instead talk about your friends positively and let her know you have many. Or show her you’re good at socializing by meeting new people with her that night.

4. “I hate my job. But I just need the money to pay the bills.”

She thinks: “This guy has no ambition, that’s gross.” If you do have a shitty job, you don’t need to tell her all about it. Instead tell her your goals for the future. She doesn’t care if you’re rich but she does want you to be ambitious.

5. “I don’t really talk to my family.”

She thinks: “This guy has intimacy issues because he’s not even able to love his family!” Don’t reveal negative personal baggage about yourself in the early stages of meeting a woman. Instead show her you love and take care of all of those close to you: family, friends,
girlfriends, and even pets. Being a protector of your loved ones is very sexy to women.

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You probably know from experience that you can make a lot of mistakes interacting with women. Women are much more sensitive about social dynamics than men. They can figure out how experienced you are with women in minutes – if not in seconds.

The reason is simple: Women have a much higher interaction experience than men because on the one hand they interact much more than men in general (with men and women). On the other hand since they are 13 years old, guys are hitting on them. So the sum of experience women have with men is much higher than the other way round. Men have a lot to catch up on in this area.

What does this mean for you? Simply that the more experiences you make interacting with women, the BETTER you will get (provided that you don’t make the same mistakes again and again). This means you have to practice a lot. But how can you actually attract women?

1) Improve the way you dress.

Looks are NOT the most important part of attracting women, but they are important, because they affect how somebody who doesn’t know you will assess you. People judge by the looks and you have only seconds to demonstrate that you are a man of style. Don’t mess it up with boring sweaters and dirty sneakers.

You don’t have to dress like a gigolo either. If you look like a software engineer, try to loosen your clothes a little bit – add some color to it. Get rid of plaid and Hawaiian shirts. Look for some interesting necklaces, rings or wristbands. Why? Because every woman wants to know what they stand for. You also will stand out from the mass.

2) Become more social.

This simply means that on every given event where a lot of people come together, you should interact with different women and men. Get to know people. Try to make a habit of it.

This might be the most important tip. Why? Because one of the things women look for in a man is (social) status. Standing alone in a corner with a beer in your hand watching all the other people having fun is the lowest status you can demonstrate. You think women are too busy talking to someone to notice it? Think again. Women have something like a radar for social status. They notice in seconds who’s the center of attraction at a party (and feel drawn to this person) and who’s the loser nobody’s talking to.

So, try to become the center of attraction interacting with people. It’s not easy, especially if you are not a social person. But it’s no nuclear science either – you can definitely LEARN it. For example you can come up with: “Hi guys! I have a quick question for you – who lies more, men or women?” It’s a topic everyone likes to talk about and nobody will shut you down on this one. The tricky thing with this “opener” (a question or statement you start a conversation with) is that you need to explain why you are asking. So say something like “I read a female magazine (at the dentist) today and they did this study. Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…”

If you are a shy person and can’t bring yourself to talk to “strangers”, please consider this: Shyness is not in your genes. It all comes back to a habit. For the most part you are shy because you don’t talk to people! Make the first step, than make the second and the third. And before you can say knife being social will become your new habit.

You don’t want to change yourself? Maybe this will motivate you: If you carry on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll carry on getting what you’ve always got – the same poor outcomes (NO girls, NO fun, NO happiness).

3) Be different.

This sounds like an ad slogan and is nonetheless a key point in attracting women. Try to develop a unique personality, your own point of view on anything. Have concrete goals in life.

Why? Because it makes you interesting, it makes you stand out from the last 10 or even 100 guys the girl you’re talking to hooked up with. It’s a fact: Women like men with (concrete!) goals because this demonstrates a strong, assertive character.

Being different also means that you can demonstrate (a special) value – something not everyone can do. This doesn’t mean that you have to play a greasy song on the guitar (but do so if you can!). For example you can ask her about the last time she laughed with all her heart (say a friend asked you this and you didn’t know what to answer first). Ask her to tell you about the happiest moment of her life or a special moment in her childhood and then tell yours. Try to relate to her thoughts and feelings, but don’t overdo it.

Read up on palm reading, dream interpretation or psycho tests (it’s not that difficult to memorize this stuff as all those “tests” work with given patterns) and use it on your next date. Women love all kinds of tests.

Don’t forget: it’s not only about the content but your presentation as 70-80 % of the communication is non-verbal. Facial expression, body language (posture, gestures) and tonality are extremely important. With that being said, is makes sense to work on your voice (learn to speak more slowly and with a deeper voice), your gestures (try to eliminate nervous movements etc.) and your gaze (practice smiling in from of a mirror). The most effective way to find out what you need to work on is to ask a good friend to videotape you (while approaching someone).

Although it’s a lot of work, it’s a lot of fun too! And you will get better every time you perform those things. So, don’t put it off, start practicing today!

P.S. Did you know that if she touches (or plays with) her hair she’s probably interested in you?

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Following my last post, I have put together a list of healthy foods that dont require any cooking. Healthy foods are basically whole, not processed foods that give your body the vitamins and minerals it needs. Examples are fresh fruits and vegetables, fish, all kinds of nuts, milk (if you want to lose fat only once a week), whey and (green) beans.

However beans and vegetables arent particularly tasty. And who said there arent foods that are good for your health but also tasty? So here are my top 7 healthy but tasty foods:

1) Dark chocolate. Big surprise! Apart from the positive effects on your mood, dark chocolate (high-cacao content) also has positive effects on your heart, circulatory system, brain function and skin. Of course you should eat it in moderation (max. a 1.6-ounce a day).

2) Coconuts. Those nuts are not only tasty but also extremely rich in selenium, potassium and healthy fat.

3) Blueberries. They taste good and are full of antioxidants and fiber.

4) Almonds. Almonds contain about 50% oils (mostly omega-9 fatty acids that are good for your brain). They are also rich in vitamin E, fiber and essential minerals. Try to eat them instead of chips and other snacks but restrain yourself if you can – they have a lot of calories.

5) Avocados. They may not be to everyone?™s taste, but they are full of vitamins (B, E, K), minerals, fiber and healthy fat. You can also make a guacamole (mashed avocados with garlic, onion, tomato, pepper, etc.).

6) Salmon. Salmon is full of omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins (D, A and B) and minerals like Selenium, Zinc, Phosphorus, Calcium and Iron. And it?™s delicious.

7) Full-Fat Milk. Milk not only tastes good but provides your body with calcium, magnesium, selenium and potassium as well as vitamin C, D, A, B and K. Athletes should give low-fat chocolate milk a try after workouts as studies show it is even better for muscle recovery than special sports drinks.

You may have noticed most of the foods on my list are rich in fat. But it is monounsaturated fat, the “good” fat, which can even lower LDL cholesterol in your body. The good fat doesn?™t really make you fat. Carbohydrates, especially too much sugar does.

The foods mentioned above make you feel full whereas sugar makes you crave for more and thus consume more calories. More important: carbohydrates in general stop your body from burning fat. So if you want to lose fat and don?™t have the time to exercise, try to avoid carbohydrates.

That?™s why bananas are not on this list. Yes, bananas have some vitamins and taste good, but in contrast to most fruits (for example apples) which contain fructose and glucose, bananas also contain sucrose (= carbohydrates), which is quite similar to table sugar. So the bad thing about bananas it that they affect your blood sugar levels almost like sugar does. And when the blood sugar level rises, the body produces insulin which stores sugar as glycogen in fat tissue.

P.S. If you can?™t stop eating toast (= carbohydrates) for breakfast, try coffee with a small piece of butter (grass-fed, unsalted). It?™s fat, but healthy fat and will make you forget all the bad carbo-stuff. It might take getting used to at first, but it’s worth it.

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I have a boyfriend? – women say this sentence ever so often. But a lot of women (especially very attractive women) actually use this line when they don’t. Often they just want to protect themselves from admirers.

However, often enough they also want to test your reaction. This strategy allows them to get rid of insecure or inexperienced guys really fast. In fact, you can make it even easier for them by asking if she has a boyfriend. That?™s a huge rookie mistake. You should never ask if she has a boyfriend.

But what if she mentions it on her own? Simply ignore it. Keep doing whatever you were doing. If you show that you’re not threatened by this, you’ll pass her “test.” If you know her already a bit, you can use this line: “Does he treat you well?” As she says “Yes” answer with “Oh. (short pause) I wouldn’t.”

Besides, for especially hot women a boyfriend isn’t always a boyfriend. (“9 and 10 game” really is different from regular game in some important ways.

If she really has a boyfriend, you can still get her, but you’ve got to be good at what you?™re doing. But even in that situation – don?™t quit and walk away!

Here is why: Attached women make great wing-women. A lot of them miss the flirting and the thrill of the chase. They can’t do it themselves, but they can be part of it with you. And you probably know that a (hot) girl boosts your value in the eyes of other girls tremendously.

You can say something like: “Well, since you’ve ruined my plan of getting together with the most absolutely beautiful and interesting woman in this city tonight, you’re going to have to make this up to me. Now, if have to help me meet the second most beautiful and interesting and cool woman in this town. What do you think of that girl by the bar?”

You can walk over together and approach her (use an opinion opener to settle a dispute you both are having) or ask her to approach her for you.

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