The Pick-Up Diary

If you want to get better with women, become a social person. The reasons are simple:

1) This way you get to know a lot of people – and a lot of women.

2) You lose your fear talking to women you don’t know.

3) You get better in conversation with people – and women can tell within minutes if not seconds who’s a social person and who’s a nerd.

4) You will become extremely magnetic to women. The reason for this is called “social proof” – a basic psychological principle. The story behind it is that if a lot people are doing something, others tend to believe it must be the right thing to do. That is, if you talk to a lot of people (at a party aso.) – this is what being social means – it boosts your value. You seem like the guy who knows everyone, and everyone seems to know you – except the person who’s watching you, this pretty girl drinking and joking with her friends. Now, she wants to know who that guy is, she is interested in you.

What does “being social mean”? This simply means that on every given event where a lot of people come together, you should interact with different women and man. Get to know people. Try to make a habit of it.

Maybe you say you are not a communicative person and never will be. If you look at yourself like this, you can only lose. A sentence like “I can’t do this” is called a “limiting belief” – something that will automaticly hold you off reaching this special goal (the what you can’t do). Instead try to look at it like a challenge or a game that you are trying to win. Are you really that weak and small that you can’t talk to people you don’t know? Of course you are not. You only don’t want to expose yourself to a territory that is new to you. But it’s important to get out of the comfort zone – otherwise you don’t learn a thing and everything will remain as it is – you being alone.

One of the things women look for in a man is (social) status. Standing alone in a corner with a beer in your hand watching all the other people having fun is the lowest status you can demonstrate.

You think women are too busy talking to someone to notice it? As if! Women have something like a radar for social status. They notice in seconds who?™s the center of attraction on a party (and feel drawn to this person) and who?™s the loser nobody?™s talking to.

So, try to become the center of attraction interacting with people. It?™s not easy, especially if you are not a social person. But it?™s no nuclear science either, that means you can learn it. It’s about what you do instead of what you think that you are. You are not social not because you were born like that but probably because you don’t talk to new people or are alone at work and don’t talk to someone. It’s all a habit. If you talk to new people everyday you will become social.

Maybe you don’t know what to say. How about asking a question that has been on your mind lately? Something like “Hi! I have a quick question for you – do you think being social has to do something with your genes? Me and my buddy have a discussion on this…”.

Or you use something canned like Hi guys! I have a quick question for you – who lies more, men or women? It’s a topic everyone likes to talk about and nobody will shut you down on this one. The tricky thing with this opener (a question or statement you start a conversation with) is that you need to explain why you are asking. So say something like “I read a female magazine (at the dentist) today and they did this study. Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…”

P.S. Learn How to Get Your Ex Back NOW!

You probably know from experience that you can make a lot of mistakes interacting with women. Women are much more sensitive about social dynamics than men. They can figure out how experienced you are with women in minutes – if not in seconds.

The reason is simple: Women have a much higher interaction experience than men because on the one hand they interact much more than men in general (with men and women). On the other hand since they are 13 years old, guys are hitting on them. So the sum of experience women have with men is much higher than the other way round. Men have a lot to catch up on in this area.

What does this mean for you? Simply that the more experiences you make interacting with women, the BETTER you will get (provided that you don’t make the same mistakes again and again). This means you have to practice a lot. But how can you actually attract women?

1) Improve the way you dress.

Looks are NOT the most important part of attracting women, but they are important, because they affect how somebody who doesn’t know you will assess you. People judge by the looks and you have only seconds to demonstrate that you are a man of style. Don’t mess it up with boring sweaters and dirty sneakers.

You don’t have to dress like a gigolo either. If you look like a software engineer, try to loosen your clothes a little bit – add some color to it. Get rid of plaid and Hawaiian shirts. Look for some interesting necklaces, rings or wristbands. Why? Because every woman wants to know what they stand for. You also will stand out from the mass.

2) Become more social.

This simply means that on every given event where a lot of people come together, you should interact with different women and men. Get to know people. Try to make a habit of it.

This might be the most important tip. Why? Because one of the things women look for in a man is (social) status. Standing alone in a corner with a beer in your hand watching all the other people having fun is the lowest status you can demonstrate. You think women are too busy talking to someone to notice it? Think again. Women have something like a radar for social status. They notice in seconds who’s the center of attraction at a party (and feel drawn to this person) and who’s the loser nobody’s talking to.

So, try to become the center of attraction interacting with people. It’s not easy, especially if you are not a social person. But it’s no nuclear science either – you can definitely LEARN it. For example you can come up with: “Hi guys! I have a quick question for you – who lies more, men or women?” It’s a topic everyone likes to talk about and nobody will shut you down on this one. The tricky thing with this “opener” (a question or statement you start a conversation with) is that you need to explain why you are asking. So say something like “I read a female magazine (at the dentist) today and they did this study. Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…”

If you are a shy person and can’t bring yourself to talk to “strangers”, please consider this: Shyness is not in your genes. It all comes back to a habit. For the most part you are shy because you don’t talk to people! Make the first step, than make the second and the third. And before you can say knife being social will become your new habit.

You don’t want to change yourself? Maybe this will motivate you: If you carry on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll carry on getting what you’ve always got – the same poor outcomes (NO girls, NO fun, NO happiness).

3) Be different.

This sounds like an ad slogan and is nonetheless a key point in attracting women. Try to develop a unique personality, your own point of view on anything. Have concrete goals in life.

Why? Because it makes you interesting, it makes you stand out from the last 10 or even 100 guys the girl you’re talking to hooked up with. It’s a fact: Women like men with (concrete!) goals because this demonstrates a strong, assertive character.

Being different also means that you can demonstrate (a special) value – something not everyone can do. This doesn’t mean that you have to play a greasy song on the guitar (but do so if you can!). For example you can ask her about the last time she laughed with all her heart (say a friend asked you this and you didn’t know what to answer first). Ask her to tell you about the happiest moment of her life or a special moment in her childhood and then tell yours. Try to relate to her thoughts and feelings, but don’t overdo it.

Read up on palm reading, dream interpretation or psycho tests (it’s not that difficult to memorize this stuff as all those “tests” work with given patterns) and use it on your next date. Women love all kinds of tests.

Don’t forget: it’s not only about the content but your presentation as 70-80 % of the communication is non-verbal. Facial expression, body language (posture, gestures) and tonality are extremely important. With that being said, is makes sense to work on your voice (learn to speak more slowly and with a deeper voice), your gestures (try to eliminate nervous movements etc.) and your gaze (practice smiling in from of a mirror). The most effective way to find out what you need to work on is to ask a good friend to videotape you (while approaching someone).

Although it’s a lot of work, it’s a lot of fun too! And you will get better every time you perform those things. So, don’t put it off, start practicing today!

P.S. Did you know that if she touches (or plays with) her hair she’s probably interested in you?

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Its a fact: Most guys who arent good with women dont use kino (kinesthetics), that is touching, at all! Some of them are so nervous meeting a girl that they forget about touching completely and when it comes to their mind it feels awkward (the logic: I havent touched her the whole time, so it would be strange to do it now).

However, one cannot overemphasise the importance of touching. In fact, studies show that 65 % of women accept the offer of a dance when being (briefly) touched on the arm – compared with 43 % when not being touched (Gueguen, N. 2007). On the street, 20 % of women are willing to give their telephone number when you approach with a brief touch on the upper arm. Without touching only 10 % agree. You are even 20 % more likely to get money from a stranger on the street if you approach with a brief touch on the upper arm.

The reason why touching is so effective is because it is unconsciously perceived as an indicator of high status (Major & Heslin, 1982; Summerhayes & Suchner 1978). And as you probably know nothing is more important for women than your status (not even shoes, because it?™s your status that is promising shoes etc.). From the evolutionary perspective, men with a high status are ideal because they are able to provide for the family.

Most women don?™t consciously register the touch, but unconsciously they feel a positive effect. And no, it?™s not weird being “the touchy guy” – as long as you are authentic. That means you need to be the touchy guy all the time, with everyone and not only with her in a cozy lounge. Give guys a high five, a friendly pat on the back, touch the upper arm of a girl when you ask for directions and your value will skyrocket (without being the old-bold-asshole in a Ferrari).

P.S. Learn How to Get Your Ex Back NOW!

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A lot of guys won’t approach a woman when she’s sitting down – like at a restaurant, park bench, or if there are couches or places to sit at a bar or club.

And I understand why.  When I was first figuring out how to meet and attract beautiful women, I had the same problem.  It’s really awkward to just be standing there when a woman and her friends are all looking at you and you’re obviously the outsider.  A lot of times it took all the confidence I had just to approach and survive the awkwardness — let alone run smooth, solid game in that situation.
But I figured out a couple solutions.

First off, the only thing that’s different is that you have to find a way to get you and her on the same “level”.  Both sitting or both standing, either is fine.

Usually, you’ll have more luck sitting with her and her friends than getting her to stand up with you, but either way works.  Or if you and your friends are at a nearby table, you can also move her and her whole group over to join you guys.  (That’s often how it works at a nightclub).

The move that gives a lot of guys the most trouble is joining her group and sitting at her table.  Here’s how to do it.  On the way over to her, look around.  Are there empty seats at her table?  Great!  If not, are there chairs nearby that can be easily moved to her table (and is there room)?  Etc.  Know what your possibilities are.  (This takes about one second — it’s not an excuse to delay approaching)
Within a minute – during your transition from your opener – you need to sit down with her.  Even if you are comfortable standing.  The best way to do this is to sit down while you are saying something, ideally, while you are using a False Time Constraint (telling her you have to get back to your friends in a second, etc.).  The more you can make sitting down look temporary, the better.  One trick I like to use with some chairs is to sit on them backwards — so like I’m facing the back of the chair (and still facing her of course — turn the chair around, not your body).

The reason for this is, it’s hard to have enough value within a minute that she (and her friends) can decide they want you with them for the rest of the night.  But when you sit down with them, that’s how they might interpret it — that this guy is settling in for the rest of the night with them.  They’ll get defensive and attraction becomes much harder.  But you can’t stay standing for much longer than a minute while they’re sitting because you’ll look like a tool.

Dragging a chair over to her table works the same way.  Ideally you can keep facing her and talking to her while you reach over and drag a chair. Like I wrote in Magic Bullets, don’t ask for permission; just use a false time constraint.

If there are no obvious extra seats, you can steal hers. Reach your arm out, palm up. Tell her to stand up. Raise your arm directly up to “spin” her (she is doing all of the spinning; you just touch her hand) and while doing this, move behind her and sit on her chair. Tease her for a second that you stole her chair and deliver another false time constraint. You’re implying that you’re about to leave and that you will give her the chair back. Within a couple of minutes, you will either need to let her sit back down and go get another chair, move her somewhere else where you can both be comfortable, or put her on your lap.

Here are two scenarios you might encounter, along with a solution on how to handle each of them.

Scenario 1: She is sitting at a large table, there is space available, most nearby tables are full, and there is a reason to be sitting down (e.g., a coffee shop).

This is the easiest scenario, but fairly rare. Just walk straight over to the table and say “do you mind if I sit down?” in the same way you would if it was a man at the table. Then, not right away but within the next 20 seconds, begin a conversation. You should use a very low-energy opener in this situation. This is the easiest way to approach this situation, but you can also use the strategies from earlier in this article if you prefer.

Scenario 2: She is sitting at a table either without extra room or where nearby tables are empty. Sit at a table close enough to hers so that you could comfortably have a conversation. Ignore her for the first couple minutes, and then initiate conversation in the same way as in the previous example. Again, this is just a shortcut. If you prefer, you can still use one of the strategies from earlier in this article.

The general rule is, don’t keep standing while everyone is seated. This will lower your social value. Take a seat as soon as you can, use a false time constraint, and go from there like you talk to any other group of people.

P.S. Learn How to Get Your Ex Back NOW!

Most naturals believe that you dont need any routines – you can just go out and be yourself and have fun and women will come to you. Just be yourself – isn?™t that what most of us were trying to do before we discovered dating science, that it didn?™t work back then, and that it sure as heck won?™t help you get better now? Sure it is!

That?™s why a a step-by-step approach is some valuable. When you have large, complex problems like “see that beautiful woman over there; how do I get her into bed? (or make her my girlfriend?),” it?™s really helpful to break it down into specific tasks that come one after another.  First you do X, until Y happens, and then you do Z.

And “being yourself” doesn?™t help if you draw a mental blank or run out of things to say.  Sure it?™s easy to tell someone just to make conversation when he runs out of things to say, but when you?™re talking to a gorgeous woman and her friends are trying to drag her away and she?™s looking at you expectantly to see if there?™s anything more to you than a well-delivered opening line… you have to have stuff ready to go.  And it has to be good.

“Naturals” have completely forgotten about all the years they have spent picking up women.  They forgot entirely about the learning process that has allowed them to become the “natural” who can effortlessly pick up hot chicks.

Natural game is simply how men act when they are ALREADY good with women.

You learn natural game by going out and practicing, as much as possible, for as long as possible.  You practice with the best tools available – the structure and formula from Magic Bullets. Natural game is learned by doing thousands of approaches. It comes from hard work, a good attitude, patterns of success and a willingness to push through some failure.  It comes from making good friends who will push you, attending bootcamps and seminars and then going out and doing all of it all over again.  If you do that you will have natural game.

People who all of a sudden “discover” natural game actually reveal more about their own dating science skills and development than they do about how to teach others.  All it means is that they have gotten good enough with the basic structure and with routines that they are now able to take the training wheels off.  They discover that now that they have internalized the right behaviors and intuitions they don?™t need to slavishly follow structures (routines etc.) anymore and can improvise.

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Giving compliments and writing endless messages without coming to the point are two big mistakes in online dating. But there is one thing that is even worse – trying to be a nice guy.

The problem with being a nice guy is that in 90 % of the time you will end up in the friends-zone. Save the nice guy attitude for your friends. If you want to attract girls online you have to demonstrate a strong character.

The profiles in which you seem to be an asshole, telling that you don’t care what anybody thinks, that you have high standards and that you’re tired of people with emotional problems work the best (s. N. Strauss/ D. DeAngelo).

Act like you’re the prize, ask her to tell you what she’s got except her looks and make fun of her profile picture (“Did you shot this picture in the toilet?”). But don’t overdo it.

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Does the following scenario sound familiar to you?

You meet a girl in a club, things go well, you make out and it gets really hot. But for whatever reason you’re unable to go somewhere private, so you exchange numbers and agree to meet within the next few days. But as you call her later, she seems disinterested and says she is busy this week. You call her later but she doesn’t pick up the phone and never returns a call.

What happend here? Let’s break it down a little bit:

When men notice that a girl is interested in them, they tend to heat up things way too quickly. Instead of taking a step back, getting to know each other (comfort building), they tend to escalate the sexual tension.

So, here’s the reason why she never calls you back:

The next day, the girl isn’t feeling the same way, she isn’t aroused anymore and her conscience tells her she made a mistake making out with a guy she doesn’t really know. She begins to feel uncomfortable associating you only with the sexual desire you conveyed. Imaging how a date with you could look like makes her even more uncomfortable. Now, to her you’re just the next guy who wants in her pants and nothing interesting or special anymore.

So, the mistake is about missing out the comfort building stage, which comes after (the stage of) attraction and before seduction. In order to be successful you got to run through all the stages, one after the other.

P.S. You will find more detailed explanations in Paul Janka’a brand-new eBook Attraction Formula.

In order to get a girl’s attention you need to stand out from the mass. People judge by the looks and you have only seconds to demonstrate that you are a man of style. You don’t need to “peacock” (the term is explained below) like Mystery and Style in the picture above, but if you’re comfortable with it, give it a try! It’s a good way to push yourself out of the comfort zone. So, first and foremost you have to look at the way you dress:

Is your dress boring or is it interesting and unique?

It’s quite helpful to ask your friends about your outfit (but please don’t be offended if they are critical, criticism will help you much more than a simple “Yeah, you’re the man!”). It’s even better if you find some girls to ask. Simply tell them you want to change your style a bit – girls love all kinds of fashion questions. You can also ask girls on the street how they like your outfit and where you can buy some cool stuff.

If you’ve already read the book I mentioned before called “The Game”, you are familiar with the “Peacock Theory”. If not, here is an enlightening extract:

“Peacock theory is the idea that in order to attract the most desirable female of the species, it’s necessary to stand out in a flashy and colorful way. For humans… the equivalent of a flashy peacock tail is a shiny shirt, a garish hat, and jewelry that lights up in the dark…”

That means you can get a girl’s attention and get her interested in you simply through the way you dress. You think wearing stuff like feather boas, cowboy hats or eye-catching jewelry is silly? Maybe it is. But think about this: How many times have you been approached by someone on your outfit? Not that much? Never?

Well, that’s what this stuff is good for – it allows women (mainly shy women) to start a conversation with you. If you have a cool answer and can demonstrate higher value you will most likely get her number. At the same time you demonstrate a high self-confidence wearing this stuff. And women love confident guys.

If you want to improve your sense of style, I recommend Magic Bullets by Savoy (he was formerly working with Mystery but the advice in the book is much more down-to-earth). Check out chapter 20, page 171.

P.S. Get rid of plaid and Hawaiian shirts. Magnum isn’t the coolest guy in the world anymore.
Look for interesting necklaces, rings or wristlets. Why? Because every woman wants to know what they stand for.

P.P.S.: Mystery and Style on Peacocking:

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Believe it or not: There is one thing that attracts women’s attention even more than shoes. It’s “social proof“. Let me explain this one:

If you’re at a party or some other social event where many different people come together and you simply go up to people and start a conversation (it really doesn’t matter what opener you use as long as you have a friendly and outgoing attitude), give high fives etc., it looks like you know a lot of people (but you actually don’t). You even don’t have to talk for hours, it’s more about the number of people you seem to know and the vibe between you and them.

A guy who’s able to do that is obvioulsy a social person, and his social status is by far higher than the one’s who’s standing alone in a corner with a beer in front of his chest. And women women are highly attracted to social status. Here’s an small story to illustrate this point:

Once I was working at a fashion fair -our team consisted of six girls and two guys (me and a really good-looking guy). We didn’t know each other and they were no signs of attraction between me and the girls at the beginning…

By the way, this reminds me of Mystery saying something like “for a girl, a new guy – no matter how he looks – is always a 5 (on a 10 point-scale)” on Disk 6 of the Revelation DVDs…And that’s true, as a man you score points by other qualities than looks (for comparison: a hot chick instantly is and will remain a “8” or “9” no matter what).

So, back to the story…We had to work in a big hall, where you could see all each other at any time. And there was a lot of time where nothing happend. So, I simply started chatting with the girls from our group. I went to one girl, asked her something, told her a joke or funny story, then went to the second one aso. I also chatted with the other guy (who was very good looking, but ended up standing alone the whole time), some guys that were working there too and some visitors.

So, here’s what happend after some: the girls came up to me and started talking. There were IOIs (Indicators of Interest) en masse. Keep in mind: at the beginning not a single girl was interested. It was really amazing, at the end of the day I had number closed four girls from that group (the other two weren’t that good looking actually). This was probably the first time I truly realized the power of “social proof”.

First of all, Happy New Year to you all!

I’m finally back from vacation, where I ran across this beautiful, gorgeous girl – so please bear with me, I wanted to spend as much time as I could with her.

Actually, spending time with her helped me understand better a lot of basic things concerning the interaction between men and women. Here are some key points:

1)    Being Self-Confident is important. By now, there are many people telling that you should forget about being confident, because either you have it or not. And if “not” is the case, there is nothing you can do. That’s ridiculous. You gain self-confidence with every approach. And your self-confidence skyrockets with every success. Women look for strong, confident guys – it’s a fact.

2)    Being friendly in spite of everything. Nothing scares women off than being rude or harsh. I know what you want to say now: what about the Bad Guys, the Alpha Males that seemingly are rude to girls and still are successful? That’s right, in a way there are harsh, but this is the way they demonstrate dominance and most important: they still give they girls the feeling that they are interested in them (the girls) as human beings, as attractive women. Sometimes it’s only a special look.

So, no matter how she reacts to your approach, comments aso. try to stay relaxed and positive. Keep in mind: Beautiful women often behave harsh at the beginning of an interaction with a guy they don’t know in order to test how he reacts, to see if he’s strong and confident enough. So don’t fail a “shit test” like “You do this to girls all the time?” Simply ignore it or make fun of it (“Yeah, you’re the 9th today.”). This leads to Point #3:

3)    Being Strong. That means you have to act like you have already beautiful women in your life and it’s not a big deal to you to talk to a beautiful woman you have just met on the street. Try to behave like she’s not attractive at all. If she’s very beautiful, never make compliments on her looks! She hears it all the time and to her you’re just the next guy who wants in her pants. Instead you can use a “neg” like “That’s a nice hair color! Is it real?” to show her that you’re not impressed by her looks and thus disqualify yourself as a suitor.

Remember: The more experience you get in interacting with women, the BETTER you will get (provided that you don’t make the same mistakes again and again). This means you have to practice a lot. Go out and approach, don’t put it off, start practicing today!

P.S. There is a brand-new e-book called the Online-Game, that I can recommend:

www.internetattractionsystem.com