The Pick-Up Diary

If you want to get better with women, become a social person. The reasons are simple:

1) This way you get to know a lot of people – and a lot of women.

2) You lose your fear talking to women you don’t know.

3) You get better in conversation with people – and women can tell within minutes if not seconds who’s a social person and who’s a nerd.

4) You will become extremely magnetic to women. The reason for this is called “social proof” – a basic psychological principle. The story behind it is that if a lot people are doing something, others tend to believe it must be the right thing to do. That is, if you talk to a lot of people (at a party aso.) – this is what being social means – it boosts your value. You seem like the guy who knows everyone, and everyone seems to know you – except the person who’s watching you, this pretty girl drinking and joking with her friends. Now, she wants to know who that guy is, she is interested in you.

What does “being social mean”? This simply means that on every given event where a lot of people come together, you should interact with different women and man. Get to know people. Try to make a habit of it.

Maybe you say you are not a communicative person and never will be. If you look at yourself like this, you can only lose. A sentence like “I can’t do this” is called a “limiting belief” – something that will automaticly hold you off reaching this special goal (the what you can’t do). Instead try to look at it like a challenge or a game that you are trying to win. Are you really that weak and small that you can’t talk to people you don’t know? Of course you are not. You only don’t want to expose yourself to a territory that is new to you. But it’s important to get out of the comfort zone – otherwise you don’t learn a thing and everything will remain as it is – you being alone.

One of the things women look for in a man is (social) status. Standing alone in a corner with a beer in your hand watching all the other people having fun is the lowest status you can demonstrate.

You think women are too busy talking to someone to notice it? As if! Women have something like a radar for social status. They notice in seconds who?™s the center of attraction on a party (and feel drawn to this person) and who?™s the loser nobody?™s talking to.

So, try to become the center of attraction interacting with people. It?™s not easy, especially if you are not a social person. But it?™s no nuclear science either, that means you can learn it. It’s about what you do instead of what you think that you are. You are not social not because you were born like that but probably because you don’t talk to new people or are alone at work and don’t talk to someone. It’s all a habit. If you talk to new people everyday you will become social.

Maybe you don’t know what to say. How about asking a question that has been on your mind lately? Something like “Hi! I have a quick question for you – do you think being social has to do something with your genes? Me and my buddy have a discussion on this…”.

Or you use something canned like Hi guys! I have a quick question for you – who lies more, men or women? It’s a topic everyone likes to talk about and nobody will shut you down on this one. The tricky thing with this opener (a question or statement you start a conversation with) is that you need to explain why you are asking. So say something like “I read a female magazine (at the dentist) today and they did this study. Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…”

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Ross Jeffries: “The first key to understanding Thought Binding is to recognize that people are basically hypnosis machines. If you tell their minds in what direction to move they will do it everytime because people are not used to hearing these kinds of instructions. People are used to hearing babbling about content, in other words, reasons, data and facts, and that kind of stuff they can, do and will resist. But binding the direction of their thoughts? Never.

Here is an example. Suppose there is some very nice young girl you want to impress. You could tell her lots of stuff about you. You know, say something dumb like: “Well lots of women like me because I’m smart and funny and make good money, but other’s find it’s my honesty and looks that they are attracted to”.

Yeah. Right. Well, the problem is, you are tossing those facts, reasons and info at her, and like as not, she’s heard this a zillion times before and isn’t gonna buy it. If you must use an approach like this, why not bind the direction of her thoughts first? You’d do it like this:

“Hey, did you ever meet someone, and just instantly knew that you had to get to know this person better (point to yourself)? Maybe as you went inside and really got all excited about how much fun it’d be to get to know him and how curious and intrigued you were feeling? As you REMEMBER THOSE FEELINGS AS WE’RE TALKING, I’m just curious, do you first imagine how much fun they’d be to hang out with, and then get intrigued, or do you get intrigued first and then imagine how much fun this person would be (point to yourself)?”

Now, what are you doing here? You’re setting up a mood and state of mind that’s going to make her a lot more receptive by:

1. Having her recall what it’s like to be in the mood you want her in (setting up the thought direction).
2. Giving her a command to STAY IN THAT MOOD WHILE SHE TALKS WITH YOU by using the phrase “as you remember those feelings as we’re talking” (Binding the thought direction).

The phrase “AS YOU REMEMBER”…is a pre-supposition. A pre-supposition is just anything that HAS to be ASSUMED to be true in order for the sentence to make sense and be understood. Thus, with “AS YOU REMEMBER”, the presupposition is that they WILL remember.

You’ve now set her up to be MUCH MORE RECEPTIVE to any “facts” about yourself you want to throw because you’ve set up and BOUND the direction of her thinking and emotional processes. The beauty is THEY NEVER CATCH IT, because they aren’t used to hearing it or looking for it. They just know they find you mesmerising, hypnotically fascinating and irresistibly attractive.

Every decision people make is based in and dependent on their state of mind. If you don’t like their decision, change their state of mind before you try to change the decision. So the key here, is to set up the right state using some of the thought binding techniques we’ve discussed, but also to recognize, that if you’re getting resistance from a woman in the form of broken dates, calls promised but not made, etc., you need to back up and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Hmmm. What state of mind is she in right now with regard to me?
2. What’s the final state I want her in?
3. How can I have fun transitioning her to the state I want her to be in when I pounce?

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Another simple routine to impress your audience (you can use this in sets too) is the number reading routine?. Heres how its done: tell the spectator to think of a two digit number between 1 and 50. Both digits should be different and odd

Now eliminate the invisible options by asking whether it?™s a ‘two-digit number?™ (eliminates the numbers 1-9) and odd numbers (eliminates another twenty options). The most popular number people think off is 37. If you are writing the prediction down, make the ‘7?™ look similar to the number ‘1?™, as 31 is the second most popular number.

P.S. The popular answer for a number between 1 and 1.000 is 333.

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If you see a woman you’d like to meet, but you don’t approach her, that’s “approach anxiety.” This is a common problem for men.

• Give your wingman $100 at the start of the night. He gives you $10 back every time you make an approach. You’ll get in the habit very quickly.
• Keep a journal of your nights out and how many approaches you did. You can’t manage what you don’t measure.
• Do a few “warm up” approaches before you get to the bar or club or party. A club I used to go to a lot had a dive bar right beside it – so I’d go to the dive bar for 20 minutes, “warm up” with some approaches to get me in a talkative mood, then I went to the club.
• Momentum is crucial. Approach as soon as you get in the club. Even if it’s just to ask the time. Don’t let inertia take over. (Lots of people forget this rule.)
• Before you go out, write down a list of excuses why someone might not approach. (E.g., “She’s not hot enough,” “I want to get a drink/go to the bathroom first,” “She looks like she’s talking to her friends,” “I don’t have an opener ready,” etc.) Decide in advance if any of those excuses “count.” When you go out, don’t talk yourself out of an approach with an excuse that doesn’t count.

The best way to get rid of approach anxiety is of course to improve your game so that you WANT to approach, because each interaction will be exciting and fun. It’s amazing how quickly approach anxiety disappears after you do the first ones.

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There are a lot of dating myths out in the world that are false. Here’s Savoy’s Top 3 List:

1. Women want a nice guy.

You have heard and seen this plenty of times; Women saying they all want to date a nice guy, but then they all end up dating the jerk or bad boy. This paradox is as old as the Earth.

Women do want someone who can be nice to them, but also someone who can push their buttons and has strong boundaries. Nice guy lack the latter and that is why especially beautiful women don’t end up dating the nice guy. If you are one of the nice guys, try to tease girls more and fooling around with them. It sounds counterintuitive, but it works.

2. Dating should be fair.

This is a big one. It goes like this: “I shouldn’t be doing all the pursuing and all the work, dating should be fair”. If you recognize yourself, stop right now.

In the dating world, the guy has to be proactive about it. Just accept this. You can’t expect for women to approach you and seduce you. When one does, it’s most likely a pro (not a professional!).

You can also look at it differently. You have the option to pick the women you want to date. You are the one exercising the freedom of picking. Women don’t. They have to go through a lot of chumps and unfortunately sometimes they still can’t find the right guy.

3. Women hate to be approached.

There is this myth out there that says women hate to be approached. Nothing couldn’t be further from the truth. Why do you think it takes hours for women to get ready to go out at night? If friends want to have a conversation over a glass of wine, they can do that at home too.

Another popular excuse women use is so they can “dance.” Another excuse to masquerade why women really go out. The real reason women go out is to find a guy, just like you go out to find a girl. Don’t let these excuses women give fool you. The next time you see women out, keep in mind that they want to be approached and swept away. You can be that guy.

One of the reasons this myth is so established is because a lot of guys have no clue how to approach women and they do it in a terrible fashion. For example, using a pickup line does not work and it is the fastest way to get rejected. Instead, with the right fashion, body language, and the right thing to say you can start enjoying conversations with beautiful women.

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If you want to approach a woman you need to know what to say. Most men are so dazzled by the beauty of a hot woman that they simply don’t know how to start a conversation with her. They start thinking what to say and moments later the girl is gone. If this happens again and again, it can be very frustrating…But there is a solution to this problem:

Use openers. Openers are conversation starters which you memorize before the approach. This way you don’t have to deal with the common problem of not knowing what to say in such a situation. Forget about pickup lines. They are funny but not really appropriate to start a conversation with a woman. So, without further chitchat, here are the

Top 10 Conversation Openers:

1) Hey guys, I have a quick question for you – who lies more, men or women? Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…

2) Hey guys, let me get your take on this – is kissing cheating? My buddy says it’s not…

3) My friend has this cute little Labrador puppy and he’s searching for a name. Do you have an idea?

4) My sister wants a tattoo. But she’s only 17. Is it ok? What do you think?

5) Hey guys, let me get your take on this. What’s Brad Pitt’s best movie? Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…

6) I’m searching for a birthday present for a friend. She’s the same age as you. Do you have an idea? I was thinking about a perfume…

7) Hey, I need a quick opinion on something. I want to have my hair dyed blond (/black). Do you think it fits me?

8 ) Hey, I need a quick opinion on something. It’s really important…Do you floss before or after you brush?

9) Hey guys, help me settle a quick debate. If you were Brad Pitt who would you choose: Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Me and my buddy…

10) Hey guys, let me get your take on this. Me and my buddy are not sure – why do so many girls kiss each other in the club?

Of course you can develop your own opener. Just think of things you are curious about and are also interesting to other people.

Never open with “excuse me” or “I’m sorry” as it makes you sound insecure and lowers your status. As a self-confident man you don’t need to apologize for a question or statement. Also, everybody says this and you definitely don’t want to be like everybody, don’t you? Confidence is a key factor in a conversation with a woman as all women are attracted to confident guys. The reason is that it demonstrates a high status.

If you approach a group of people, make sure you engage all the members – even the guys. Otherwise they will haul off their friend from you.

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It’s Sunday afternoon. You met a great woman on Friday or Saturday night. You opened, you created attraction, you qualified, and then you started to build comfort. The situation wasn’t right for you to take it further, so you casually invited her to join you for some exciting event on Monday. She gave you her number. You phone. It rings a few times and goes to her voicemail. You leave a message. She doesn’t call you back. It’s now Tuesday. What do you do?

1. Maybe call her again next week, but that’s it. You need to have the frame that you have lots of women interested in you and are busy, or else she won’t stay attracted to you anyway.

2. Call or text every day or two with a variety of different approaches, to see if any of them make an impact. Delete the number after a few weeks if you don’t get anywhere.

3. Call every day until she answers. Once in a while call three times in a row to see if that works. After a week or so, drop back to once a week or so. Don’t give up until YOU are no longer interested.

What’s the right answer? Don’t look ahead…

Actually, any of them could be the right answer. In the right context, all of these are okay. Too many beginners are too inflexible with the frame that “I have value… she has to come to me” and default to (1). Yes, this is a good frame, and it’s important. However, sometimes you need to do a little bit of pursuing as well.

Why is this? If you obviously have value, why should you have to pursue a woman? Why does she want you to? In short, it’s because this shows that you are genuinely interested in her. In fact, the more value you have, or appear to have, the more a woman will want to see you put in a bit of genuine effort to pursue her. She recognizes that you can have easy conquests, and she doesn’t want to be easy.

Why else? Some women are simply flaky and scatterbrained (so are some men). She may adore you, but you called when she was having dinner, and then she met up with a friend, and now it’s the next day, and she could call you, but now she’s distracted and, anyway, if you’re really interested in her you’ll call again, right?

Why else? She wants to play the traditional female role of being chased. It’s exciting for her, and built into millennia of social programming. It’s not a great frame for men to be in, which is why we short-circuit it when we first meet a woman by disqualifying ourselves during the attraction phase. That’s easy in public, where you can plausibly start a random conversation with an attractive woman without being interested in her (until she wins you over, of course…). It’s not easy on the phone. By calling, you are confirming your interest. That’s why it’s so important to qualify her when you first meet, so she feels comfortable with your interest in her, but it does mean that you might feel a little bit of “back to square one” on the telephone. So, yes, she may make you work for it by not returning your phone call. Don’t take it personally.

Why else? Some women are taught “not to call guys.” Yes, it’s pretty silly, but there is just as much silly dating advice for women as there is for men. There’s nothing you can do about this. Call them. You can fix their silly ideas later.

Now, we covered ages ago some of the crucial tactics for making sure that she does answer the phone when you call (programming your number into her phone, telling her when you’re going to call, planning a specific event, making her verbalize some anti-flake routines, texting/calling that night, etc.) as well as how to leave a message (leave hooks, cut yourself off, etc.) so we’ll assume that you’ve done all of this, and are still not getting her on the phone. You can give up, of course, and focus your energies on new women. This is totally fine. But you can also set aside a few minutes a day with your “cold” phone numbers and do some of this:

· Vary the time of day when you call. Morning, afternoon, evening, night. If you’re getting nowhere, try calling at 1am. You’ll wake her up, so make sure you can be immediately entertaining from the second she answers. (Start with a high-energy, funny, short routine. Don’t even introduce yourself.)

· Call from different numbers.

· Try sending text messages – some people simply prefer these to phone calls.

· Don’t ever acknowledge that you are calling and she isn’t returning your calls. Adopt the frame – to yourself – that she is just a flaky woman and it’s kind of cute. Don’t let it cross your mind that she might not actually be interested in you.

· Don’t ever say “this is the last time I’m calling” or “I’m calling to leave you another message” – see above. And if you do get her on the phone, don’t even bring up the subject of your previous calls or texts.

· If you phone, and it goes directly to voicemail (and doesn’t ring at all), hang up. You got a free pass. If it doesn’t ring, it won’t show up as a missed call on her phone. She won’t see that you called. If it does ring, leave a message.

On the other hand, don’t turn “pursuing” into “chasing.” If she tells you not to call, stop calling. Don’t be creepy.

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For many guys the kiss seems like the first make or break  it moment when you know if a woman is actually sexually attracted to you. Therefore this moment gets built up into a challenging obstacle that becomes impossible to defeat in the mind and therefore in reality.

A woman is probably not going to kiss you if she won’t move to isolation with you. A woman is probably not going to kiss you if she hasn’t shown you even one IOI (Indicator of Interest). A woman is definitely not going to kiss you if you don’t approach her.

But let’s examine this from another angle. A woman is more likely going to kiss you if you approach her. A woman is more likely going to kiss you if she shows you IOIs. A woman

is very likely going to kiss you if she goes into isolation with you.

Let’s imagine you’ve done everything right. You’ve approached a woman, you’ve been getting IOIs from her, and she moved into isolation with you. Or alternatively you are both now out on a Day 2 (that’s a date to the uninitiated).

The next thing you’re going to be working towards is a kiss close. Because if a woman has done all these things with you then WAKE UP! She wants to kiss you. And GUESS WHAT it’s

your job to KISS HER.

That’s right! You’re the man and that’s your role. You must lead her. If you don’t lead she can’t follow. But if you do lead she’ll more than likely follow and respect you for it, because all women are looking for REAL MEN.

So you know your duty and now all you need to do is perform it. And you will do so in the following manner.

1. ALWAYS USE KINO ESCALATION

There’s a natural order to turning a woman on. They don’t prefer for you to dive straight at their lips for the first kiss. Instead they like a little teasing. They like a little anticipation. They like a little rising action. And that’s your Kino Escalation.

Kino is just a short way of saying playful touching, and not necessarily sexually touching, but the kind of touching that comes before sexual touching.

There’s easy ways to insert kino into your interaction with a woman before you kiss. Here’s a short but not complete list of examples:

-When she makes a sarcastic joke or remark nudge her in the arm with your fist or shoulder lightly and smile.

-Insert kino into routines like The Ring Finger Routine or Palm Reading and touch a woman’s hand lightly with your fingers as you run routines like these.

-Play fun games like thumb wrestling, showing each other secret hand shakes, or high-fiving each other.

-Use Kino to lead her when it’s applicable. For example lead her through crowds at bars and clubs by putting out your hand for her hand and guiding her.

-Do push-pull funny things like tell her she has huge hands and showing her by sizing your hands against hers.

-And of course there are a thousand other ways.

2. USE A KISS CLOSE to SEAL THE DEAL

Yes, I’ve heard it before, “I don’t want to use a kiss close they feel fake.” Well, that’s fine as long as you’re consistently having no trouble kissing women. But if you can’t bridge that gap, you NEED to USE a KISS CLOSE.

A Kiss Close is the device that helps you seal that deal because it gets you right up to the threshold and almost pushes you into the kiss, like a helpful skydiver instructor pushing you out the plane. Once the words or actions of a Kiss Close come out of your mouth you’ve displayed your intentions. You are committed to the kiss.

Now that you know the “why” here’s the “how.” But first a word of caution. A Kiss Close is never begging or asking. You never say “Can I kiss you?” or “Please, kiss me.” This is not a Kiss Close. Observe, these following examples and use them or create your own

along the same principles.

I. Mystery’s Kiss Close

At the moment you feel like there’s a lull in the conversation because the woman might want something more or when she meets your gaze you say the following.

You: “Do you want to kiss me?”

Her: “I don’t know.”

You: “Let’s find out.”

Then move in for the kiss :)

Of course, she could say two other things “No” or “Yes” and here’s how those play out. If she says “Yes” then you kiss immediately.

If she says “No” then you say the following:

You: “Hey I didn’t say you could. It just looked like you had something on your mind.”

II. Style’s Evolution Phase Shift

If you’ve read “The Game” then you already know this kiss close.

It’s brilliant because it incorporates kino escalation into the close. Here it is:

Tell her that she smells good and ask what she’s wearing. Lean in, brush her hair aside, sniff her slowly, moving up from the shoulder to the ear. “Mmmm, that smells good. People don’t pay enough attention to smell. But you’ll notice how animals, before they mate, will always smell each other. Evolution has hard-wired us to respond to certain things. You are wired to respond when someone smells you.”

“It’s like when someone pulls the back of your hair. You’ll notice how lions, when they mate, always bite and tug at the end of each other’s mane, right here.” Point to the back of your head then run your hand up the back of her neck and grab a fistful of hair at the roots and

pull it, downwards. She says “Mmmm…” And I say “see.”

Next say “No one knows this, but the most sensitive places on the body are places that are usually hidden from contact with the air, like the back of the elbow (touching it) and knee (touching it). Any place where your body bends, twists, or folds, there are millions of

sensitive little nerve endings that release endorphins. Take her arm, bend it a little, and erotically bite the area on the opposite side of the elbow (that crease where it bends). Ask “Does that feel good?”

[Note for the less experienced: If you don’t know how to erotically bite a girl, learn before you do this. You want to take a big chunk of skin, not a little pinch and slowly and firmly slide your teeth together until they meet and release the skin. You may want to practice on your own elbow first.]

Now you say, “But do you know what the best thing in the world is? A bite…right…here.” And point to the side of your neck. Then expose your neck and say, “Bite me right here” as if you expect her to. Fifty percent of the time she will. If she doesn’t, just turn away calmly (punish), wait a few seconds, and then turn back and repeat, “Bite me right here.” Usually she will.

Half the time, her bite will be lame. If so, correct her and say, “That’s not how you bite. Come here.” Then give her a good bite on the neck and instruct her to “try again.”

Now look her in the eye, smile mischievously/approvingly, and say, very slowly, “Not bad.” Then glance down at her mouth, back up at her eyes, and kiss!

Here’s the condensed version, write it down and take it into the field with you: smell, grab hair, touch elbow, touch back of knee, bite elbow, bite my neck, bite her neck, triangular gazing, kiss.

Mystery is BACK!

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Giving compliments and writing endless messages without coming to the point are two big mistakes in online dating. But there is one thing that is even worse – trying to be a nice guy.

The problem with being a nice guy is that in 90 % of the time you will end up in the friends-zone. Save the nice guy attitude for your friends. If you want to attract girls online you have to demonstrate a strong character.

The profiles in which you seem to be an asshole, telling that you don’t care what anybody thinks, that you have high standards and that you’re tired of people with emotional problems work the best (s. N. Strauss/ D. DeAngelo).

Act like you’re the prize, ask her to tell you what she’s got except her looks and make fun of her profile picture (“Did you shot this picture in the toilet?”). But don’t overdo it.

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Does the following scenario sound familiar to you?

You meet a girl in a club, things go well, you make out and it gets really hot. But for whatever reason you’re unable to go somewhere private, so you exchange numbers and agree to meet within the next few days. But as you call her later, she seems disinterested and says she is busy this week. You call her later but she doesn’t pick up the phone and never returns a call.

What happend here? Let’s break it down a little bit:

When men notice that a girl is interested in them, they tend to heat up things way too quickly. Instead of taking a step back, getting to know each other (comfort building), they tend to escalate the sexual tension.

So, here’s the reason why she never calls you back:

The next day, the girl isn’t feeling the same way, she isn’t aroused anymore and her conscience tells her she made a mistake making out with a guy she doesn’t really know. She begins to feel uncomfortable associating you only with the sexual desire you conveyed. Imaging how a date with you could look like makes her even more uncomfortable. Now, to her you’re just the next guy who wants in her pants and nothing interesting or special anymore.

So, the mistake is about missing out the comfort building stage, which comes after (the stage of) attraction and before seduction. In order to be successful you got to run through all the stages, one after the other.

P.S. You will find more detailed explanations in Paul Janka’a brand-new eBook Attraction Formula.