The Pick-Up Diary

Tip #1: Make eye contact. It’s much better to start a conversation with an eye contact. Good eye contact is important as it demonstrates self-confidence. A lot of guys are so nervous talking to a girl that they don’t really look into her eyes more than a second. You should be able to tell what color her eyes are. To intensify the eye contact, first look in her left eye, then the right and back again. But don’t overdo it.

Tip #2: Say “Hi” with energy. When you approach a woman, say “Hello” in a flirty way. It will make her think you’re sexier than the average geek who walks up to her and gives her a shy “Hi”.

Tip #3: Shake her hand a bit longer. When you shake her hand, let your hand stay on hers for a bit too long and then brush against her hand as you pull back. Do this while smiling and looking into her eyes sincerely.

Tip #4: Mention her name from time to time. Everyone likes to hear his/her name. So repeat her name slowly from time to time in the conversation.

Tip #5: Lower your volume during the conversation. Speak slowly and lower your volume so she has to lean towards you to listen.

Tip #6: Be Playful. Make fun of her playfully from time to time. Imagine she’s your little sister. Have fun together. Find a funny nickname for her. But again, don’t overdo it.

Tip #7: Be the touchy guy?. Touch her as soon you can during the conversation (while approaching is the best). Touch her on the upper arm, shoulder while you laugh.

Tip #8: Mirror her body language. People tend to like people who move and behave like them. Try to imitate her gestures and signs.

Tip #9: Let her talk and listen. This is probably the most important tip. Women love to talk, to tell someone about their feelings. And they always complain men don’t listen. So be different – learn to listen carefully. Don’t look around while she’s telling a story – of course she does notice when you’re looking at the hot waitress.

Tip #10: Open up. Tell her something intimate about yourself (for example: when was the last time you cried in front of somebody?). Ask her the same question. Talk about her childhood.

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If you want to get better with women, become a social person. The reasons are simple:

1) This way you get to know a lot of people – and a lot of women.

2) You lose your fear talking to women you don’t know.

3) You get better in conversation with people – and women can tell within minutes if not seconds who’s a social person and who’s a nerd.

4) You will become extremely magnetic to women. The reason for this is called “social proof” – a basic psychological principle. The story behind it is that if a lot people are doing something, others tend to believe it must be the right thing to do. That is, if you talk to a lot of people (at a party aso.) – this is what being social means – it boosts your value. You seem like the guy who knows everyone, and everyone seems to know you – except the person who’s watching you, this pretty girl drinking and joking with her friends. Now, she wants to know who that guy is, she is interested in you.

What does “being social mean”? This simply means that on every given event where a lot of people come together, you should interact with different women and man. Get to know people. Try to make a habit of it.

Maybe you say you are not a communicative person and never will be. If you look at yourself like this, you can only lose. A sentence like “I can’t do this” is called a “limiting belief” – something that will automaticly hold you off reaching this special goal (the what you can’t do). Instead try to look at it like a challenge or a game that you are trying to win. Are you really that weak and small that you can’t talk to people you don’t know? Of course you are not. You only don’t want to expose yourself to a territory that is new to you. But it’s important to get out of the comfort zone – otherwise you don’t learn a thing and everything will remain as it is – you being alone.

One of the things women look for in a man is (social) status. Standing alone in a corner with a beer in your hand watching all the other people having fun is the lowest status you can demonstrate.

You think women are too busy talking to someone to notice it? As if! Women have something like a radar for social status. They notice in seconds who?™s the center of attraction on a party (and feel drawn to this person) and who?™s the loser nobody?™s talking to.

So, try to become the center of attraction interacting with people. It?™s not easy, especially if you are not a social person. But it?™s no nuclear science either, that means you can learn it. It’s about what you do instead of what you think that you are. You are not social not because you were born like that but probably because you don’t talk to new people or are alone at work and don’t talk to someone. It’s all a habit. If you talk to new people everyday you will become social.

Maybe you don’t know what to say. How about asking a question that has been on your mind lately? Something like “Hi! I have a quick question for you – do you think being social has to do something with your genes? Me and my buddy have a discussion on this…”.

Or you use something canned like Hi guys! I have a quick question for you – who lies more, men or women? It’s a topic everyone likes to talk about and nobody will shut you down on this one. The tricky thing with this opener (a question or statement you start a conversation with) is that you need to explain why you are asking. So say something like “I read a female magazine (at the dentist) today and they did this study. Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…”

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You probably know from experience that you can make a lot of mistakes interacting with women. Women are much more sensitive about social dynamics than men. They can figure out how experienced you are with women in minutes – if not in seconds.

The reason is simple: Women have a much higher interaction experience than men because on the one hand they interact much more than men in general (with men and women). On the other hand since they are 13 years old, guys are hitting on them. So the sum of experience women have with men is much higher than the other way round. Men have a lot to catch up on in this area.

What does this mean for you? Simply that the more experiences you make interacting with women, the BETTER you will get (provided that you don’t make the same mistakes again and again). This means you have to practice a lot. But how can you actually attract women?

1) Improve the way you dress.

Looks are NOT the most important part of attracting women, but they are important, because they affect how somebody who doesn’t know you will assess you. People judge by the looks and you have only seconds to demonstrate that you are a man of style. Don’t mess it up with boring sweaters and dirty sneakers.

You don’t have to dress like a gigolo either. If you look like a software engineer, try to loosen your clothes a little bit – add some color to it. Get rid of plaid and Hawaiian shirts. Look for some interesting necklaces, rings or wristbands. Why? Because every woman wants to know what they stand for. You also will stand out from the mass.

2) Become more social.

This simply means that on every given event where a lot of people come together, you should interact with different women and men. Get to know people. Try to make a habit of it.

This might be the most important tip. Why? Because one of the things women look for in a man is (social) status. Standing alone in a corner with a beer in your hand watching all the other people having fun is the lowest status you can demonstrate. You think women are too busy talking to someone to notice it? Think again. Women have something like a radar for social status. They notice in seconds who’s the center of attraction at a party (and feel drawn to this person) and who’s the loser nobody’s talking to.

So, try to become the center of attraction interacting with people. It’s not easy, especially if you are not a social person. But it’s no nuclear science either – you can definitely LEARN it. For example you can come up with: “Hi guys! I have a quick question for you – who lies more, men or women?” It’s a topic everyone likes to talk about and nobody will shut you down on this one. The tricky thing with this “opener” (a question or statement you start a conversation with) is that you need to explain why you are asking. So say something like “I read a female magazine (at the dentist) today and they did this study. Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…”

If you are a shy person and can’t bring yourself to talk to “strangers”, please consider this: Shyness is not in your genes. It all comes back to a habit. For the most part you are shy because you don’t talk to people! Make the first step, than make the second and the third. And before you can say knife being social will become your new habit.

You don’t want to change yourself? Maybe this will motivate you: If you carry on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll carry on getting what you’ve always got – the same poor outcomes (NO girls, NO fun, NO happiness).

3) Be different.

This sounds like an ad slogan and is nonetheless a key point in attracting women. Try to develop a unique personality, your own point of view on anything. Have concrete goals in life.

Why? Because it makes you interesting, it makes you stand out from the last 10 or even 100 guys the girl you’re talking to hooked up with. It’s a fact: Women like men with (concrete!) goals because this demonstrates a strong, assertive character.

Being different also means that you can demonstrate (a special) value – something not everyone can do. This doesn’t mean that you have to play a greasy song on the guitar (but do so if you can!). For example you can ask her about the last time she laughed with all her heart (say a friend asked you this and you didn’t know what to answer first). Ask her to tell you about the happiest moment of her life or a special moment in her childhood and then tell yours. Try to relate to her thoughts and feelings, but don’t overdo it.

Read up on palm reading, dream interpretation or psycho tests (it’s not that difficult to memorize this stuff as all those “tests” work with given patterns) and use it on your next date. Women love all kinds of tests.

Don’t forget: it’s not only about the content but your presentation as 70-80 % of the communication is non-verbal. Facial expression, body language (posture, gestures) and tonality are extremely important. With that being said, is makes sense to work on your voice (learn to speak more slowly and with a deeper voice), your gestures (try to eliminate nervous movements etc.) and your gaze (practice smiling in from of a mirror). The most effective way to find out what you need to work on is to ask a good friend to videotape you (while approaching someone).

Although it’s a lot of work, it’s a lot of fun too! And you will get better every time you perform those things. So, don’t put it off, start practicing today!

P.S. Did you know that if she touches (or plays with) her hair she’s probably interested in you?

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Its always an awkward situation when a girl asks you if you have a girlfriend. The thought process for most guys is: Uhm, it feels weird to admit I dont have a girlfriend, but if I say I do she wont be interested anymore I better say No

Its not a mistake, but its not a good way to deal with this question. A good rule to follow is: Dont give women direct answers to their questions! Try to keep some mystery about yourself. For example if she asks What do you do? Dont answer with Im a lawyer, software engineer, banker/etc. Say? I work at night? or Im an ass-model?. Later on you can always tell her your real occupation.

Here is a better way to deal with the “Do you have a girlfriend?” question and. It?™s the infamous “Girlfriend Test Routine” and it?™s best to use after you have some connection…

She: “So, do you have a girlfriend?”
You: “To be my girlfriend is an exclusive thing. There?™s a test. Only 3 questions…”
Women love tests. There is no way she won?™t want to take the test.

Before you ask her the 3 questions, take a pen and write the correct answers on her palm or a piece of paper that you put in her hand and say she?™s isn?™t allowed to look. This way she will know there are correct answers which she may or may not get right and you not just let her pass. Your value will grow in her eyes because you are putting the interaction at risk.
You also demonstrate you don?™t just accept any girl as a girlfriend.

Now close her hand and ask the following questions:

1. Which do you enjoy more? A shower or a warm bath?
2. What is the sexiest food? Whipped crème or strawberries?
3. What feels better? Kisses on your neck or nibbling on your ear?

The correct answers are bath, strawberries and kisses on the neck. In most cases she will answer the first two correctly. The last question is perfect for intense kino (touching) or a kiss. If she gets it right, say: “I’m glad you like this (nibble or kiss).”

If she gets it wrong, whisper in her ear “I can’t be with you if you really believe this (nibble ear) feels better than this (kiss neck).”

If she gets all the questions wrong make fun of her – playfully!

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I have a boyfriend? – women say this sentence ever so often. But a lot of women (especially very attractive women) actually use this line when they don’t. Often they just want to protect themselves from admirers.

However, often enough they also want to test your reaction. This strategy allows them to get rid of insecure or inexperienced guys really fast. In fact, you can make it even easier for them by asking if she has a boyfriend. That?™s a huge rookie mistake. You should never ask if she has a boyfriend.

But what if she mentions it on her own? Simply ignore it. Keep doing whatever you were doing. If you show that you’re not threatened by this, you’ll pass her “test.” If you know her already a bit, you can use this line: “Does he treat you well?” As she says “Yes” answer with “Oh. (short pause) I wouldn’t.”

Besides, for especially hot women a boyfriend isn’t always a boyfriend. (“9 and 10 game” really is different from regular game in some important ways.

If she really has a boyfriend, you can still get her, but you’ve got to be good at what you?™re doing. But even in that situation – don?™t quit and walk away!

Here is why: Attached women make great wing-women. A lot of them miss the flirting and the thrill of the chase. They can’t do it themselves, but they can be part of it with you. And you probably know that a (hot) girl boosts your value in the eyes of other girls tremendously.

You can say something like: “Well, since you’ve ruined my plan of getting together with the most absolutely beautiful and interesting woman in this city tonight, you’re going to have to make this up to me. Now, if have to help me meet the second most beautiful and interesting and cool woman in this town. What do you think of that girl by the bar?”

You can walk over together and approach her (use an opinion opener to settle a dispute you both are having) or ask her to approach her for you.

P.S. Learn How to Get Your Ex Back NOW!

A lot of people want to know how to create attraction. So, without further chit-chat, here are the 3 sure-fire ways to create attraction:

1. Be mysterious.

Being mysterious means that you simply don’t reveal everything about yourself. Why is this good? Because the woman generates all sorts of possibilities of what you could be. She equals you with ideas (often fantasies) that she has in her mind.

It’s obvious: when we think there is nothing else to decipher, that all the clues were revealed and that the mystery is solved, we lose interest.

It’s what we don’t know that keeps us fascinated. This is even more important during the initial stages of attraction.

Here is an example of a conversation that generates mystery:

Her – “So what do you do for a living?”

You – “You might be surprised if I told you, but before that, what do you do for work?”

Her – “I do promotional stuff.”

You – “Really? How’s that?”

Her – “Good. I like it.”

You – “I suppose you must have a lot of good stories about the people you deal with.”

Her – “Well, yes, there are some weird people.”

Me – “Of course. You remind me of my friend Kay, who has done promotional work too. One time she was doing a promotion… ” (Launch into an interesting DHV (Demonstration of Higher Value) story).

Instead of answering her question you change the conversation to her favorite topic (herself). Then, launch into an interesting story that communicates your personality and attractiveness, while still not revealing too many personal details about yourself.

The secret is that she has a good time with you in the moment. Then later, when she feels attraction, she will use her imagination to fill in all the blanks.

2. Surpass her expectations.

By dedicating a lot of time to living and arming yourself with life experiences, the people who meet you will be taken aback by finding out more about you.

They will be pleasantly shocked by how interesting and accomplished you are, and a new type of mystery will develop as they question what else lies beneath your surface.

Here’s the same conversation, but this time with focus on developing the second type of mystery:

Her – “So what do you do for a living?”

You – “You might be surprised if I told you. What would you think somebody like me works in?”

Her – “I don’t know…”

You – “Aw, c’mon, what do you mean you don’t know. You must have some idea.”

Her – “Well, I don’t know…I would say you are a student or that you are working with a company.”

You – “Not quite, I’m a skydiving instructor.”

Her – “Wow! Really? I would never have thought.”

You – “Why not?”

Her – “I don’t know…it’s just that you didn’t give the impression of being like that…”

You – “Things aren’t always the way you think.”

Some of you might be saying, “But I don’t skydive… I don’t even do anything that resembles that!”

If this is so, maybe it’s time to add some adventure and new experiences to your life.

Ask yourself, “What is one thing I’ve always wanted to try, but have never gotten around to?”

Will you make plans to try it? It might be a lot of hard work, but you CAN do it.

3. Jealousy

Jealousy is a sneaky emotion. Thoughts of inadequacy and insecurity race through the mind. Knots form as fear and anxiety creep into the stomach. While these feelings are easily identified as negative, when wielded properly in a pickup they can yield shockingly positive results.

The secret to harness this invisible power lies in the commonly held belief that women are bynature driven less by logic and more by their emotions. Even if they meet a great guy, and intellectually recognize that he is cool, interesting, funny, and various other great things, this is by no means a guarantee she will pursue him sexually. She will only do that when her emotions tell her to.

Here’s how you create a jealousy plot line:

You’ve made your approach and opened the group for conversation. You’ve won over her friends and demonstrated to her that you’re different from the other guys. Sure you’ve told a few bad jokes but you’ve also had a few good ones and everyone laughed at them. She is clearly enjoying your company.

The night progresses and the two of you talk more. You find out about her dreams, desires, and passions. There is some light touching between you, but nothing major. She seems reserved to move things forward; you’re being slotted in the friend zone. Already having exchanged contact information, you mention you have to get back to your friends and bid her farewell for now.

She thinks little of it until in her peripheral vision she sees you sitting with the girl in the red dress. “Who does she think she is?” she wonders. “Giggling at his jokes and flipping her hair back like that.” Suddenly she feels the knot forming in her stomach. Her emotions are warning her she may be losing something she desires. And thus the switch has been flipped. Her emotions do not lie: She desires you.

You return with a smile to discuss one of the open loops left in your conversation from earlier. She is thrilled to have you back. A new energy exists behind the interaction. Now, when you touch her, your touch is reciprocated. Your escalation is welcomed and desired. Now, she is even laughing at your bad jokes. It’s on. Your plot line was played to perfection.

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If you want to approach a woman you need to know what to say. Most men are so dazzled by the beauty of a hot woman that they simply don’t know how to start a conversation with her. They start thinking what to say and moments later the girl is gone. If this happens again and again, it can be very frustrating…But there is a solution to this problem:

Use openers. Openers are conversation starters which you memorize before the approach. This way you don’t have to deal with the common problem of not knowing what to say in such a situation. Forget about pickup lines. They are funny but not really appropriate to start a conversation with a woman. So, without further chitchat, here are the

Top 10 Conversation Openers:

1) Hey guys, I have a quick question for you – who lies more, men or women? Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…

2) Hey guys, let me get your take on this – is kissing cheating? My buddy says it’s not…

3) My friend has this cute little Labrador puppy and he’s searching for a name. Do you have an idea?

4) My sister wants a tattoo. But she’s only 17. Is it ok? What do you think?

5) Hey guys, let me get your take on this. What’s Brad Pitt’s best movie? Me and my buddy are arguing about it all day…

6) I’m searching for a birthday present for a friend. She’s the same age as you. Do you have an idea? I was thinking about a perfume…

7) Hey, I need a quick opinion on something. I want to have my hair dyed blond (/black). Do you think it fits me?

8 ) Hey, I need a quick opinion on something. It’s really important…Do you floss before or after you brush?

9) Hey guys, help me settle a quick debate. If you were Brad Pitt who would you choose: Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Me and my buddy…

10) Hey guys, let me get your take on this. Me and my buddy are not sure – why do so many girls kiss each other in the club?

Of course you can develop your own opener. Just think of things you are curious about and are also interesting to other people.

Never open with “excuse me” or “I’m sorry” as it makes you sound insecure and lowers your status. As a self-confident man you don’t need to apologize for a question or statement. Also, everybody says this and you definitely don’t want to be like everybody, don’t you? Confidence is a key factor in a conversation with a woman as all women are attracted to confident guys. The reason is that it demonstrates a high status.

If you approach a group of people, make sure you engage all the members – even the guys. Otherwise they will haul off their friend from you.

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Giving compliments and writing endless messages without coming to the point are two big mistakes in online dating. But there is one thing that is even worse – trying to be a nice guy.

The problem with being a nice guy is that in 90 % of the time you will end up in the friends-zone. Save the nice guy attitude for your friends. If you want to attract girls online you have to demonstrate a strong character.

The profiles in which you seem to be an asshole, telling that you don’t care what anybody thinks, that you have high standards and that you’re tired of people with emotional problems work the best (s. N. Strauss/ D. DeAngelo).

Act like you’re the prize, ask her to tell you what she’s got except her looks and make fun of her profile picture (“Did you shot this picture in the toilet?”). But don’t overdo it.

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Does the following scenario sound familiar to you?

You meet a girl in a club, things go well, you make out and it gets really hot. But for whatever reason you’re unable to go somewhere private, so you exchange numbers and agree to meet within the next few days. But as you call her later, she seems disinterested and says she is busy this week. You call her later but she doesn’t pick up the phone and never returns a call.

What happend here? Let’s break it down a little bit:

When men notice that a girl is interested in them, they tend to heat up things way too quickly. Instead of taking a step back, getting to know each other (comfort building), they tend to escalate the sexual tension.

So, here’s the reason why she never calls you back:

The next day, the girl isn’t feeling the same way, she isn’t aroused anymore and her conscience tells her she made a mistake making out with a guy she doesn’t really know. She begins to feel uncomfortable associating you only with the sexual desire you conveyed. Imaging how a date with you could look like makes her even more uncomfortable. Now, to her you’re just the next guy who wants in her pants and nothing interesting or special anymore.

So, the mistake is about missing out the comfort building stage, which comes after (the stage of) attraction and before seduction. In order to be successful you got to run through all the stages, one after the other.

P.S. You will find more detailed explanations in Paul Janka’a brand-new eBook Attraction Formula.

In order to get a girl’s attention you need to stand out from the mass. People judge by the looks and you have only seconds to demonstrate that you are a man of style. You don’t need to “peacock” (the term is explained below) like Mystery and Style in the picture above, but if you’re comfortable with it, give it a try! It’s a good way to push yourself out of the comfort zone. So, first and foremost you have to look at the way you dress:

Is your dress boring or is it interesting and unique?

It’s quite helpful to ask your friends about your outfit (but please don’t be offended if they are critical, criticism will help you much more than a simple “Yeah, you’re the man!”). It’s even better if you find some girls to ask. Simply tell them you want to change your style a bit – girls love all kinds of fashion questions. You can also ask girls on the street how they like your outfit and where you can buy some cool stuff.

If you’ve already read the book I mentioned before called “The Game”, you are familiar with the “Peacock Theory”. If not, here is an enlightening extract:

“Peacock theory is the idea that in order to attract the most desirable female of the species, it’s necessary to stand out in a flashy and colorful way. For humans… the equivalent of a flashy peacock tail is a shiny shirt, a garish hat, and jewelry that lights up in the dark…”

That means you can get a girl’s attention and get her interested in you simply through the way you dress. You think wearing stuff like feather boas, cowboy hats or eye-catching jewelry is silly? Maybe it is. But think about this: How many times have you been approached by someone on your outfit? Not that much? Never?

Well, that’s what this stuff is good for – it allows women (mainly shy women) to start a conversation with you. If you have a cool answer and can demonstrate higher value you will most likely get her number. At the same time you demonstrate a high self-confidence wearing this stuff. And women love confident guys.

If you want to improve your sense of style, I recommend Magic Bullets by Savoy (he was formerly working with Mystery but the advice in the book is much more down-to-earth). Check out chapter 20, page 171.

P.S. Get rid of plaid and Hawaiian shirts. Magnum isn’t the coolest guy in the world anymore.
Look for interesting necklaces, rings or wristlets. Why? Because every woman wants to know what they stand for.

P.P.S.: Mystery and Style on Peacocking:

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