The Pick-Up Diary

A lot of guys who struggle with girls are highly motivated to improve themselves. But in order to improve yourself, you need to know what to improve. And often people simply don’t know what they are doing wrong, they haven’t identified their “sticking point”:

Maybe you don’t know how to open, maybe you don’t know how to create attraction, maybe you always skip the comfort building-phase. Or maybe you can’t bring yourself to speak to strangers, have some nervous ticks speaking with women, play the funny guy to smooth over your insecurity or your mind goes blank facing a beautiful girl. Maybe you don’t care about grooming and looks. Maybe you endlessly search for the right moment to kiss the girl or don’t use touching (kino) at all and always end up in the friends zone – this list is endless.

So, first you have to identify your problem, your sticking point with women. Here is what you can do to find out where your problem with girls might be:

1) Think about the past situations with women and what went wrong. Try to see the whole situation from her perspective – would you like this guy and would you think this guy has got girls in his life? If the answer is “no” – why? Compare yourself with successful guys – what do they do and you don’t?

2) Ask your friends and try to get an honest answer on how they see you interacting with women. Let them speak, don’t interrupt and don’t search for any excuses. Accept what they say – in most cases they see the right picture and you are the one who doesn’t want to accept the reality. Most guys don’t get over this point because admitting a weakness normally lowers your self-esteem. And nobody likes that. Hence most of the guys never really get better with women. Be the difference: Accept that you have to change things and start working on it.

3) Tape yourself on video to see how other people perceive you. It really gives you a reality check. Practice as long as you finally like “this” guy on the tape and your results with girls will skyrocket as you will become much more self-confident. And self-confidence is what girls are really looking for in a guy as it demonstrates a high status.

4) Get more information on attraction and psychology (internet, book store). You have to be aware of the basic principles of human interaction. But don’t overdo it. You don’t need all the books, two or three are enough at the beginning. The information you get from them is only there to know why something works. But it’s absolutely worthless if YOU don’t use it in the real life. You only get better if you go out and approach girls. The lack of experience with girls is the number one reason why guys don’t get the right results with girls. Here’s how you get the most out of the information you receive: break it apart and try one thing after another. If you read something new, go out and try it (and only it) until you get the right results. It’s not that easy in praxis, but it’s the most effective way to get better – and this is your goal, isn’t it?

Why do you have to be different to attract women?

Because it makes you interesting, it makes you stand out from the last 10 or even 100 guys the girl you’re talking to hooked up with. It’s a fact: Women like men with (concrete) goals as this demonstrates a strong, assertive character.

Being different also means that you can demonstrate value – for example by showing something not everyone can do. This doesn’t mean that you have to play a greasy song on the guitar (but do so if you can). For example you can ask her about the last time she laughed with all her heart (say a friend asked you this and you didn’t know what to answer first – but now you know). Ask her to tell you about the happiest moment of her life or a special moment in her childhood and then tell yours. Try to relate to her thoughts and feelings – but don’t overdo it.

Read up on palm reading, dream interpretation or psycho tests (it’s not that difficult to memorize this stuff as all those “tests” work with given patterns) and use it on your next date. Women love all kinds of tests.

Don’t forget: it’s not only about the content but your presentation as 90 % of the communication is non-verbal (60% is Body Language and 30% is the Tone).

Being different means being unaffected by her beauty and her “shit tests” (when she tries to figure out whether you’re a confident guy or a weak, average guy). Stop acting friendly just to please her – she will be bored as this is what every average guy does – be different.

That’s why “bad boys” are so successful – they demonstrate a strong character, act like they’ve got countless options and could leave the girl in a second. The menatl frame to use her is this: Behave like she’s not attractive at all.

If she’s very beautiful, never make compliments on her looks! She hears it all the time and to her you’re just the next guy who wants in her pants. Instead you can use a “neg” like “That’s a nice hair color! Is it real?” to show her that you’re not impressed by her looks and thus disqualify yourself as a suitor.

What women are attracted to is Status and Personality. Before you go with “Well, I don’t have a Ferrari so it’s hopeless for me” – here’s the important thing about status:

You don’t have to be rich to demonstrate a high status! And even if you are rich, you still need some other characteristics to get the girl – it’s not the money alone that gets you the girl. Here is what really counts:

Characteristics like dominance, decisiveness, leadership, confidence and intelligence. Being articulate is also a major point.

As we all know, the first impression has a lot to do with the way you dress. To quote Michael Jordan’s father, “If you dress like a bum, then they’re gonna treat you like a bum. If you dress like a hoodlum, they’re going to treat you like a hoodlum…” (Michael Jordan, Driven from Within).

You get the idea – if you’re dressed like a computer programmer, they… You know the rest. So what you need to do is to improve the way you dress.

Of course, looks are NOT the most important part of attracting girls, but they are important. The way your are dressed will have an effect on the way people assess you – even unconscious. People judge by the looks and you have only seconds to demonstrate that you are a man of style. Don’t mess it up with boring sweaters and dirty sneakers.

You don’t have to dress like a gigolo either. If you look like a software engineer, try to loosen your clothes a little bit – add some color to it. Get rid of plaid and Hawaiian shirts. Look for some interesting necklaces, rings or wristlets (but try to avoid knickknack).

Why? Because every woman wants to know what they stand for. Such accessories make your interesting – they even allow a woman to contact you. And women are very curious as for glitter.

Good shoes are important as women pay attention to what kind of shoes guys wear. Again, try to avoid sneakers – for example you can buy a pair of nice, black italian shoes. They are worth it.

You need a nice jacket, not a multi-color-baseball-jacket. It doesn’t have to be a leather jacket – although it will draw a much more attention. A simple, classy coat can make a hell of impression. It’s not about buying the most expensive stuff and looking or looking like a fashion junkie. It’s about adding class to the way you dress. Shops like Zara or even H&M will do it completely.

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My Name is Steve Wells and this is my first post in this brand-new blog. As a freelance journalist I have written more than 30 articles dealing with the problem how to get better with women (which are free and can be found on ezinearticles.com). The idea behind this blog is to share my thoughts on this subject on a regular, daily basis.

By now, nearly everyone seems to know the book called “The Game” by Neil Strauss. If you’re not everyone, here’s a summary what this book is about. Since this book is what got me into the pickup community, I would like to start this blog with an excerpt from “The Game”:

“The moment I started reading, my life changed. More than any other book or document—be it the Bible, Crime and Punishment, or The Joy of Cooking—the layguide opened my eyes. And not necessarily because of the information in it, but because of the path it sent me hurtling down. When I look back on my teenage years, I have one major regret, and it has nothing to do with not studying hard enough, not being nice to my mother, or crashing my father’s car into a public bus. It is simply that I didn’t fool around with enough girls. I am a deep man—I reread James Joyce’s Ulysses every three years for fun. I consider myself reasonably intuitive. I am at the core a good person, and I try to avoid hurting others. But I can’t seem to evolve to the next state of being because I spend far too much time thinking about women…”

– Neil Strauss, The Game, 2005, p. 9

In my opinion, the last sentence is crucial. A lot of guys that find themselves in the pickup community are pretty smart guys – guys that think a lot. Probably you are one of them. But as we all know thinking is only one side of the coin. The other one? Taking action! And this is where most of the guys fail. Or, actually, they don’t. Because they don’t even try! The reason for this is quite obvious: It’s much easier to read all the stuff, watch all the DVDs that make you feel great and lull you – instead of going out and learning in real life. You don’t have to deal with rejection, with “shit tests”, with competitors – you don’t have to deal with life! Because that’s what life is about. Those are problems that you have to be able to solve if you want to make it in life. And let’s be real – it’s not nuclear science – you can solve these problems. And even have fun doing so. So, instead of reading all the pickup material you can get, I – as many before – recommend to go out and practice. Because it’s the most effective way to solve the problem called “I’m simply not good with girls”.

To close this post, some advice from the master himself:

Neil Strauss on things you need to convey to attract women

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