The Pick-Up Diary

Its a fact: Most guys who arent good with women dont use kino (kinesthetics), that is touching, at all! Some of them are so nervous meeting a girl that they forget about touching completely and when it comes to their mind it feels awkward (the logic: I havent touched her the whole time, so it would be strange to do it now).

However, one cannot overemphasise the importance of touching. In fact, studies show that 65 % of women accept the offer of a dance when being (briefly) touched on the arm – compared with 43 % when not being touched (Gueguen, N. 2007). On the street, 20 % of women are willing to give their telephone number when you approach with a brief touch on the upper arm. Without touching only 10 % agree. You are even 20 % more likely to get money from a stranger on the street if you approach with a brief touch on the upper arm.

The reason why touching is so effective is because it is unconsciously perceived as an indicator of high status (Major & Heslin, 1982; Summerhayes & Suchner 1978). And as you probably know nothing is more important for women than your status (not even shoes, because it?™s your status that is promising shoes etc.). From the evolutionary perspective, men with a high status are ideal because they are able to provide for the family.

Most women don?™t consciously register the touch, but unconsciously they feel a positive effect. And no, it?™s not weird being “the touchy guy” – as long as you are authentic. That means you need to be the touchy guy all the time, with everyone and not only with her in a cozy lounge. Give guys a high five, a friendly pat on the back, touch the upper arm of a girl when you ask for directions and your value will skyrocket (without being the old-bold-asshole in a Ferrari).

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A lot of guys won’t approach a woman when she’s sitting down – like at a restaurant, park bench, or if there are couches or places to sit at a bar or club.

And I understand why.  When I was first figuring out how to meet and attract beautiful women, I had the same problem.  It’s really awkward to just be standing there when a woman and her friends are all looking at you and you’re obviously the outsider.  A lot of times it took all the confidence I had just to approach and survive the awkwardness — let alone run smooth, solid game in that situation.
But I figured out a couple solutions.

First off, the only thing that’s different is that you have to find a way to get you and her on the same “level”.  Both sitting or both standing, either is fine.

Usually, you’ll have more luck sitting with her and her friends than getting her to stand up with you, but either way works.  Or if you and your friends are at a nearby table, you can also move her and her whole group over to join you guys.  (That’s often how it works at a nightclub).

The move that gives a lot of guys the most trouble is joining her group and sitting at her table.  Here’s how to do it.  On the way over to her, look around.  Are there empty seats at her table?  Great!  If not, are there chairs nearby that can be easily moved to her table (and is there room)?  Etc.  Know what your possibilities are.  (This takes about one second — it’s not an excuse to delay approaching)
Within a minute – during your transition from your opener – you need to sit down with her.  Even if you are comfortable standing.  The best way to do this is to sit down while you are saying something, ideally, while you are using a False Time Constraint (telling her you have to get back to your friends in a second, etc.).  The more you can make sitting down look temporary, the better.  One trick I like to use with some chairs is to sit on them backwards — so like I’m facing the back of the chair (and still facing her of course — turn the chair around, not your body).

The reason for this is, it’s hard to have enough value within a minute that she (and her friends) can decide they want you with them for the rest of the night.  But when you sit down with them, that’s how they might interpret it — that this guy is settling in for the rest of the night with them.  They’ll get defensive and attraction becomes much harder.  But you can’t stay standing for much longer than a minute while they’re sitting because you’ll look like a tool.

Dragging a chair over to her table works the same way.  Ideally you can keep facing her and talking to her while you reach over and drag a chair. Like I wrote in Magic Bullets, don’t ask for permission; just use a false time constraint.

If there are no obvious extra seats, you can steal hers. Reach your arm out, palm up. Tell her to stand up. Raise your arm directly up to “spin” her (she is doing all of the spinning; you just touch her hand) and while doing this, move behind her and sit on her chair. Tease her for a second that you stole her chair and deliver another false time constraint. You’re implying that you’re about to leave and that you will give her the chair back. Within a couple of minutes, you will either need to let her sit back down and go get another chair, move her somewhere else where you can both be comfortable, or put her on your lap.

Here are two scenarios you might encounter, along with a solution on how to handle each of them.

Scenario 1: She is sitting at a large table, there is space available, most nearby tables are full, and there is a reason to be sitting down (e.g., a coffee shop).

This is the easiest scenario, but fairly rare. Just walk straight over to the table and say “do you mind if I sit down?” in the same way you would if it was a man at the table. Then, not right away but within the next 20 seconds, begin a conversation. You should use a very low-energy opener in this situation. This is the easiest way to approach this situation, but you can also use the strategies from earlier in this article if you prefer.

Scenario 2: She is sitting at a table either without extra room or where nearby tables are empty. Sit at a table close enough to hers so that you could comfortably have a conversation. Ignore her for the first couple minutes, and then initiate conversation in the same way as in the previous example. Again, this is just a shortcut. If you prefer, you can still use one of the strategies from earlier in this article.

The general rule is, don’t keep standing while everyone is seated. This will lower your social value. Take a seat as soon as you can, use a false time constraint, and go from there like you talk to any other group of people.

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Ross Jeffries: “The first key to understanding Thought Binding is to recognize that people are basically hypnosis machines. If you tell their minds in what direction to move they will do it everytime because people are not used to hearing these kinds of instructions. People are used to hearing babbling about content, in other words, reasons, data and facts, and that kind of stuff they can, do and will resist. But binding the direction of their thoughts? Never.

Here is an example. Suppose there is some very nice young girl you want to impress. You could tell her lots of stuff about you. You know, say something dumb like: “Well lots of women like me because I’m smart and funny and make good money, but other’s find it’s my honesty and looks that they are attracted to”.

Yeah. Right. Well, the problem is, you are tossing those facts, reasons and info at her, and like as not, she’s heard this a zillion times before and isn’t gonna buy it. If you must use an approach like this, why not bind the direction of her thoughts first? You’d do it like this:

“Hey, did you ever meet someone, and just instantly knew that you had to get to know this person better (point to yourself)? Maybe as you went inside and really got all excited about how much fun it’d be to get to know him and how curious and intrigued you were feeling? As you REMEMBER THOSE FEELINGS AS WE’RE TALKING, I’m just curious, do you first imagine how much fun they’d be to hang out with, and then get intrigued, or do you get intrigued first and then imagine how much fun this person would be (point to yourself)?”

Now, what are you doing here? You’re setting up a mood and state of mind that’s going to make her a lot more receptive by:

1. Having her recall what it’s like to be in the mood you want her in (setting up the thought direction).
2. Giving her a command to STAY IN THAT MOOD WHILE SHE TALKS WITH YOU by using the phrase “as you remember those feelings as we’re talking” (Binding the thought direction).

The phrase “AS YOU REMEMBER”…is a pre-supposition. A pre-supposition is just anything that HAS to be ASSUMED to be true in order for the sentence to make sense and be understood. Thus, with “AS YOU REMEMBER”, the presupposition is that they WILL remember.

You’ve now set her up to be MUCH MORE RECEPTIVE to any “facts” about yourself you want to throw because you’ve set up and BOUND the direction of her thinking and emotional processes. The beauty is THEY NEVER CATCH IT, because they aren’t used to hearing it or looking for it. They just know they find you mesmerising, hypnotically fascinating and irresistibly attractive.

Every decision people make is based in and dependent on their state of mind. If you don’t like their decision, change their state of mind before you try to change the decision. So the key here, is to set up the right state using some of the thought binding techniques we’ve discussed, but also to recognize, that if you’re getting resistance from a woman in the form of broken dates, calls promised but not made, etc., you need to back up and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Hmmm. What state of mind is she in right now with regard to me?
2. What’s the final state I want her in?
3. How can I have fun transitioning her to the state I want her to be in when I pounce?

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Girls always get excited if you show them some magic tricks?. Here is a piece that you can do at any time and freak people out at clubs and parties:

Ask two friends if they would take part in a psychological test with you. Ask one of them to close their eyes. Whilst their eyes are closed you tap their friend on the hand twice. You then ask the person with their eyes closed to open their eyes and ask them if they felt anything. They will swear that they felt two taps on their hand – even though you were nowhere near them… in fact you could even be stood the other side of the room.

The person with their eyes open will be amazed that their friend felt your touch even though she KNOWS you didn?™t go near her. The person with their eyes closed will be so positive that she felt two solid taps that initially she simply won?™t believe that you were nowhere near her! When everybody else watching confirms that you indeed did not touch her – the two friends, plus everyone else in the room will be amazed!

How it works:

You actually touch both people! The trick uses a concept known as ‘dual reality. Each of the friends thinks that the ‘psychological test is happening at a different time. You ask Friend 1 to close their eyes, then secretly tap their hand as you are moving towards Friend 2. After a few seconds, you dramatically (but silently) tap Friend 2. Finally you ask Friend 1 to open their eyes. The trick is complete.

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Most naturals believe that you dont need any routines – you can just go out and be yourself and have fun and women will come to you. Just be yourself – isn?™t that what most of us were trying to do before we discovered dating science, that it didn?™t work back then, and that it sure as heck won?™t help you get better now? Sure it is!

That?™s why a a step-by-step approach is some valuable. When you have large, complex problems like “see that beautiful woman over there; how do I get her into bed? (or make her my girlfriend?),” it?™s really helpful to break it down into specific tasks that come one after another.  First you do X, until Y happens, and then you do Z.

And “being yourself” doesn?™t help if you draw a mental blank or run out of things to say.  Sure it?™s easy to tell someone just to make conversation when he runs out of things to say, but when you?™re talking to a gorgeous woman and her friends are trying to drag her away and she?™s looking at you expectantly to see if there?™s anything more to you than a well-delivered opening line… you have to have stuff ready to go.  And it has to be good.

“Naturals” have completely forgotten about all the years they have spent picking up women.  They forgot entirely about the learning process that has allowed them to become the “natural” who can effortlessly pick up hot chicks.

Natural game is simply how men act when they are ALREADY good with women.

You learn natural game by going out and practicing, as much as possible, for as long as possible.  You practice with the best tools available – the structure and formula from Magic Bullets. Natural game is learned by doing thousands of approaches. It comes from hard work, a good attitude, patterns of success and a willingness to push through some failure.  It comes from making good friends who will push you, attending bootcamps and seminars and then going out and doing all of it all over again.  If you do that you will have natural game.

People who all of a sudden “discover” natural game actually reveal more about their own dating science skills and development than they do about how to teach others.  All it means is that they have gotten good enough with the basic structure and with routines that they are now able to take the training wheels off.  They discover that now that they have internalized the right behaviors and intuitions they don?™t need to slavishly follow structures (routines etc.) anymore and can improvise.

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Another simple routine to impress your audience (you can use this in sets too) is the number reading routine?. Heres how its done: tell the spectator to think of a two digit number between 1 and 50. Both digits should be different and odd

Now eliminate the invisible options by asking whether it?™s a ‘two-digit number?™ (eliminates the numbers 1-9) and odd numbers (eliminates another twenty options). The most popular number people think off is 37. If you are writing the prediction down, make the ‘7?™ look similar to the number ‘1?™, as 31 is the second most popular number.

P.S. The popular answer for a number between 1 and 1.000 is 333.

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If you see a woman you’d like to meet, but you don’t approach her, that’s “approach anxiety.” This is a common problem for men.

• Give your wingman $100 at the start of the night. He gives you $10 back every time you make an approach. You’ll get in the habit very quickly.
• Keep a journal of your nights out and how many approaches you did. You can’t manage what you don’t measure.
• Do a few “warm up” approaches before you get to the bar or club or party. A club I used to go to a lot had a dive bar right beside it – so I’d go to the dive bar for 20 minutes, “warm up” with some approaches to get me in a talkative mood, then I went to the club.
• Momentum is crucial. Approach as soon as you get in the club. Even if it’s just to ask the time. Don’t let inertia take over. (Lots of people forget this rule.)
• Before you go out, write down a list of excuses why someone might not approach. (E.g., “She’s not hot enough,” “I want to get a drink/go to the bathroom first,” “She looks like she’s talking to her friends,” “I don’t have an opener ready,” etc.) Decide in advance if any of those excuses “count.” When you go out, don’t talk yourself out of an approach with an excuse that doesn’t count.

The best way to get rid of approach anxiety is of course to improve your game so that you WANT to approach, because each interaction will be exciting and fun. It’s amazing how quickly approach anxiety disappears after you do the first ones.

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The majority of communication is done with vocal tones, vocal pitch, movement, body language and gestures. All of these things and more make up our composite body language expressions, such as: Facial expressions, voice intonation, speed of speech , how you walk, the way you carry yourself through the world, having eye contact, how fast you move, and even our breathing.

Here are the most common mistakes in pick-up:

– Not being comfortable talking with strangers (social anxiety)
– Buying her drinks (trying to buy her over, or even worse, trying to get her drunk)
– Talking too fast (being nervous)
– Talking too much (trying to impress her)
– Not knowing what to say next (not enough practice)
– Drinking (to become comfortable)
– Asking too many questions (you create rapport too soon, but she doesn’t want your rapport unless you have attracted her first)
– Wrong Body language (hands connected, feet too close, shoulders down, leaning in)

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If you want to approach a woman you need to know what to say – you need an opener. You probably already know the “Hey guys, me and my buddy have a debate: Who lies more – men or women?” or “Is kissing cheating?” or “Do you floss before or after you brush?” -openers. So how about some fresh ones? Here is a list of new openers (by PUA_Swagger, Zeyn, Reef, Dallas, Gigantor, The MusicMan, Galego, Wadders, Silver Tongue, Themoose, Static, Tao, SmoothCriminal):

YOU: “You seem like you’re smart.”
HER: “Yes, I am.”
YOU: “OK, we’ll see how smart you are. I’m going to ask three questions and you have to answer as fast as you can, you game?”
HER: “Sure.”
YOU: “OK, do you own a refrigerator?”
HER: “Yes.”
YOU: “What’s the most common color refrigerator ever made?”
HER: “White.”
YOU: “What do cows drink?
HER: “Milk.”
YOU: “Nooooooo! Wrong, I don’t know if we could hang out.”

YOU: “I have to get back to my friends in a minute, but I need a female opinion on something.”
HER: “What’s that?”
YOU: “My ten-year-old brother Mike just texted me, and apparently there’s this girl in his class named Stephanie that he has a huge crush on, but he isn’t sure how to express it to her. If you were ten years old again, how would you want a boy to show you that he likes you?”
HER: “Well I think that _________.”
YOU: That makes sense. I’ll let him know he should try that.”

YOU: “Let me buy you and your friends a drink.”
HER: “OK.”
(Roll up to the bar and get however many corresponding shots of water so it looks like vodka or tequila. Then bring the shots and announce a toast as they wait for me to roll out the scene thinking they just made a sucker out of me. I wait for the response after they shoot the water and walk off. I wait for them to talk shit to build value and establish me as different and then proceed to re-open the set.)

YOU: “Hi, [insert time constraint]. On a scale from one to ten, how good of an age to get married is nineteen?”
HER: “Zero, or five.”
YOU: “So, you agree with me that it’s a bad choice! That’s what I tell my little [sister/cousin/niece] but she won’t listen.”
HER: “It’s an eight, or nine.”
YOU: “But not a ten so you would hesitate.”
HER: “Ummm…yes.”
YOU: “Hesitation is bad news, that’s why I tell my little [sister/cousin/niece] that it’s a bad choice but she won’t listen.”
HER: “Ten! It’s great!”
YOU: “I knew you looked like trouble, I’ll never introduce you to my little (sister/cousin/niece).”

YOU: “Just curious, do you wear the color red a lot? The reason I’m asking is because I read this thing on the Internet about the psychology of color, and how the colors you wear project a certain aspect of your personality to the world. You wearing red means you’re an energetic person, full of excitement. Too much red can overwhelm people, but with just enough, there have been studies done that people surrounded by red feel their hearts beating faster and feel out of breath in a good way. ”

[while using a fake or invisible microphone]
YOU: “How does it feel to be invited here tonight?” (have the frame of asking red carpet like questions)
HER: “________.”
YOU: “Say something to all your adoring fans out there?”

[get close to her and be serious for a moment, after laughing is usually a good time]
YOU: “Did you hear about that car crash that happened at [insert place]?”
HER: “No! What happened?”
YOU: “Well there were two cars…one went this way [cross your right hand to be kinda by her right cheek]. And one went this way [cross my left hand to be kinda by her left cheek]. And then they collided [light tap to both cheeks]!”

YOU: “Out of curiosity, I have to ask—what exactly are you drinking?”
HER: “I’m drinking ______.”
YOU: “Well, the reason I’m asking is because I was just talking with my friend and he was telling me all about how you can tell a lot about a person based on what they drink at Starbucks [or just say any coffee shop]. He seemed really excited about it, and I just had to see if it was true.”
HER: “Haha, oh really? Well what’s a _______ mean?”

>From here just go to a bunch of basic personality types often commenting on her energy (for espresso), sense of calm (tea), sensitivity (chocolate drink), or likes to be pampered/needs time to warm up to people (frappuccino).

YOU: “Hey guys quick question. OK, so it’s almost summer and of course every girl is trying to get a bikini perfect body. And you always see a bunch of girls spending hours and hours on treadmills… say, if you guys work-out, would you ever consider doing weights? I’ll tell you why I am asking in a second. I mean, are you guys the cardio-only girl or the also do weights girl?” (Let them talk amongst themselves and when they answer…I high five the girls that do weights, and tease the girls that only run on treadmills.)

[Note: depending on the time of the year, summer would be “So, it’s summer”, after summer would be “I know summer passed, but of course every girl is still interested in getting a bikini perfect body.”]

YOU: “Hey I really like your ring. You could totally kick someone’s ass with that. I will call you if I ever get into a fight.”

YOU: “Hey X, I want to get your take on something real quick [insert time constraint]. If an average looking guy approached you on the
street or in a bar and had food in his teeth or his fly open, would you let him know?”
HER: “_____________.”
YOU: “Interesting answers, but that’s not my real question. My real question is if the same thing happened but the guy was really attractive, would it make a difference? [be sure to add root of why you’re asking here]”

YOU: “Excuse me, I want your advice for a moment [provide time constraint here] while my friend is at the bar [gesture to wingman at the bar]. We’re only here for a week on business and were wondering where the better places to go are? I’m only asking you because you are better dressed than anyone else in here.”
HER: “________________.”
WINGMAN to YOU: “I can’t leave you alone for 2 minutes can I?”
YOU: “No I was just asking these, girls where’s a good place to go round here, but they haven’t got me convinced that they know.” [give playful smile to let them know you are only teasing]

YOU: “On a scale from 1 to 10, what’s the meaning of life?”

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If you have difficulties calling a girl and talking to her on the phone, here is a list with useful tips:

1. No matter who answers the phone introduce yourself, “Hi this is …Is … there?”

This shows you are confident to be you and it establishes some rapport with a housemate or parent which can be used later.

2. If she is not there, chat up the person on the phone. “So what’s your name? I’m not coming on to you or anything, as far as I know you could have three eyes and green skin but has anyone ever said you have a real sweet phone voice?” etc… Do not be in a hurry. This shows you feel you are not worthy of a person’s time and shows a lack of confidence. Also, when you slow down, your delivery will improve with clarity and nuances in your voice.

Try to talk about five minutes with this person and do not feel bad if they have to cut you off. However if you have run out of material end the conversation. It’s extremely important getting a person who shares her house to like you over the phone. It will make your life much easier.

3. Okay, you get her on the phone. Do not ask her if she is busy. Do not ask her what she is doing. Do not remind her where she met you. Do not believe you need to be the first to end the conversation. That will make you rush and ruin your rap. Talk slowly and confidently.

“Hi … This is … You would not believe what my niece did yesterday.” Or “Remember how we were talking about the sexiest food and you said watermelon. Well I fed some watermelon to my cat and he is looking at me in the strangest way…” Go right into material.

4. Keep the charm flowing and return her to the fun, sexy mood you left her in. Work to re-attract her.

5. After fifteen minutes or so, the close should be easy. Just talk about it as if it is already a done fact – hardly worth mentioning. Casual like, “Let’s get together this week.” Then shut up. She will then recite her schedule and let you know where her free-times are. Pick out a day and time which will work for you.

6. If she claims to be too busy to get together, either act like you didn’t even hear it, go back into material and then try to re-close with different language or try to do something immediately, “Let’s go for ice-cream. I can pick you up in ten minutes.” If that still doesn’t work just say, ‘Nice chatting with you.” and let her go. Maybe repeat the process in a couple weeks or call other girls.

7. If you put her in the right mood you will have very little problem arranging a meet. Half the time the girls will bring up a meet. Always work on her mood. Steam roll her into a mood of laughing and fun. Keep in mind: In order to work the phone well, you must have confidence in your verbal abilities. Work on your tone. Work on you speed. Work on your material. Practice steamrolling your friends into a good mood.

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